Mushroom Jokes That Will Have You Spore-ing with Laughter.

I had mushrooms on toast this morning.
Breakfast of champignons...

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why? I’m a fun guy.”

Mushroom walked into a bar and ordered a drink, the bar tender said we don't serve your kind, the mushroom said "why, I'm a fun guy"

Not so famous final words...
1. It's fireproof.
2. He's probably just hibernating.
3. What does this button do?
4. Are you sure the power is off?
5. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
6. Pull the pin and count to what?
7. Which wire was I supposed to cut?
8. I wonder where the mother bear is.
9. I've seen this done on TV.
10. These are the good kind of mushrooms.
11. What duck?
12. Let it down slowly.
13. I can do that with my eyes closed.
14. I can make this light before it changes.
15. Nice doggie.

The French have named a mushroom after Muhammad Ali. They think it’s the greatest champignon of all time.

Why did the introverted mushroom decide to go to more parties?
Because everyone told him he was a fungi.

What do you call a Mushroom with a long stalk?

A Fungi to be with.

Why do toadstools grow so close together in the forest?
Because in the forest there isn't mushroom.

How much room do fungi need to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

Not so famous final words...
1. It's fireproof.
2. He's probably just hibernating.
3. What does this button do?
4. Are you sure the power is off?
5. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
6. Pull the pin and count to what?
7. Which wire was I supposed to cut?
8. I wonder where the mother bear is.
9. I've seen this done on TV.
10. These are the good kind of mushrooms.
11. What duck?
12. Let it down slowly.
13. I can do that with my eyes closed.
14. I can make this light before it changes.
15. Nice doggie.

The old saying is "You are what you eat"
I should eat a lot more mushrooms cause I want to be a fun guy.

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
He was a fungi.
Why wsn't the toadstool invited?
He was toxic.

A lion goes into a restaurant and asks to see the menu. After perusing it for a while he says ‘To start with, I’ll have the garlic mushrooms’.
He then goes back to perusing the menu. To try and hurry him up the waiter says ‘And for the main?’
‘Oh, just a comb’ replies the lion.

A failed mushroom hunter is a man without morels.

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch willy?
A fungi to be with.

Why did the Mushroom have lots of friends? Cause he's a fungi!

Mushroom walked into a bar and ordered a drink, the bar tender said we don't serve your kind, the mushroom said "why, I'm a fun guy"

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, we dont serve your kind here. The mushroom asks. "why not? im a "fun guy".

I had mushrooms on toast this morning.
Breakfast of champignons...

Any mushroom can be eaten. The trick is to find those mushrooms that can be eaten more than once.

When I had mushrooms with with breakfast..it was a breakfast of champignons.

A newly couple had only been married a few weeks..

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to get out on the town and party with his buddies...

So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, ill be right back.”

”Where you going, coochy-coo..? asked the wife.

“Im going to the bar, pretty face, to have a beer.”

The wife says, “You want a beer, my love?” she opens the door to the frig and shows him 25 different brands of beers from 12 different countries. The husband didn't know what to do.

The only thing he could say was, “Yes, but at the bar..you know..they have...frozen mugs.”

didn’t get to finish the sentence. The wife interrupted him, saying, “do you want a frozen glass, puppy fac open the refrigerator and handed him a frozen solid mug.

The husband, looking a bit pale,said, “Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those special hors d’oeuvres they are really delicious... Won’t be too long... I’ll be right back I promise..Ok?

”You want hors d’oeuvres, poochie-poo?” She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d’oeuvres; spicy chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, fried mushrooms, pork strips, cheese dip, the works..

”But sweetie, at the bar..you know.. The guys are cussing and swearing, cutie pie?”

Before he could finish, the wife replies, “You want cussing and swearing, cutie pie?”

”THEN LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKIN BEER IN THIS GODDAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GOING OUT WITH YOUR SHITHEAD FRIENDS ANYMORE! YOU GOT THAT, ASSHOLE????”

A vegetarian has a carrot sticking out of one ear, celery out of the other, and a mushroom up his nose. He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong. The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."

- What do you call when you mix brandy, shitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?
- The ambulance.

To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.
Let's just say...the steaks are high.

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why? I’m a fun guy.”

How much room do fungi need to grow?
As mushroom as possible.

What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom! 🍄

Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible.