Latest PUNS and DAD Jokes:
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
Thanks for the Baghdad!
Ants never get sick because they have little anty-bodies.
In an attempt to speed up my racing snail, I took the shell off to improve aerodynamics.
Didn’t work. If anything it makes him more sluggish. 🐌
Somebody stole my car tyres.
Now it's not working, it must be retired.
Stop looking for the perfect match. Use a lighter instead.
My friend bought a bus pass to a nude beach. It turned out to be a ticket to no wear.
Two bedbugs fell in love.
They're getting married in the spring.
She was a forest queen to others
and a big Miss Tree to me.
People who fix watches have a lot of time on their hands .
The bicycle spoke in a flat tired voice…
'Periods of 60 minutes' are not yours – they're hours.
"I'm terribly sorry but I was tied up for hours."
"Apology not accepted. That was knot nice."
A guy had a toe amputated and replaced it with a breath mint. He now has a ....
Tic tac toe.
Yesterday i found out that i got a foot fetish.
Because i like Mentos.
I was kicked out of Vienna for telling a joke. I was Austriacized.
I forgot to take the laundry out of the washer. They dried of natural causes.
What do you call the nun that lives upstairs?
Nun of the above.
The miner backed out of the wedding when he got coal feet.
The world champion tounge twister got arrested the other day. I heard they’re going to give him a tough sentence.
The best time to open a gift is the present.
I own intelligent farm animals.
One's learned to drive a boat.
I’d show you, but unfortunately that sheep has already sailed.
I used to pretend I was a mop and bucket.
I quit because they
couldn't sweep things
under the carpet.
The man that invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man that invented the Merry Go Round. They traveled in different circles.
What do you call someone missing 50% of their spine?
A halfback.