The Funniest Jokes on the Internet.

Where logic takes a vacation and absurdity reigns supreme.

"Normality is a paved road: It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it."

- Vincent van Gogh

We've scoured the web for the funniest, quirkiest, and most outrageous jokes. Get ready to laugh out loud with thousands of hilarious one-liners, puns, and riddles, you'll never be short of something to make you smile.
Come find your weird side and let the jokes begin... browse, share, and enjoy!

Me: this is romantic isn’t it? Just the two of us.
Cellmate: I mean I guess.

I asked him to show me...
"What those fingers do?"

He's currently making shadow puppets while I hold the flashlight....

I've developed a rash on my upper leg , and everytime I scratch it, I hear music.

Doctor says it's spotty thigh.

We were taught to fear the witches instead of the ones who burned them, and I think that's the problem.

You know you are meant for each other when you're both taking the same meds.

Disappointment is when you run into a wall with an erection,and break your nose!

If you ever see me talking to myself, mind ya business...

I'm having a staff meeting.

I was on a train and this hot Thai chick sits next to me. I kept thinking to myself,
"Please don't get a boner, please!"

But she did!

Women never apologize. They just sleep naked and let you decide if you’re still mad or not.

Hacking my neighbor’s 3D printer to make a dildo so he can go fuck himself.

I passed a sign that read “falling rocks”. So, I gave it a try, and no it doesn’t.

Humans can indeed fly but only for a few seconds.

A wise man once said, "When the rise of the machines happens...

...make sure you are nowhere near a dildo factory."

Colleague at work asked for advice so I told him to be himself.

Last time I do that. Turns out he's a complete asshole.

I used to be addicted to time travel, but that’s all in the future now.

I haven’t had sex in so long my foreskin is growing back.

DNA is the acronym for National Dyslexic Association.

Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins

Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.

i'm not actually childish...i just know how fucked up adults are and just refuse to be that way...

Is it weird to get naked during a massage?
At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?

I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday.
My kleptomania is out of control.

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Me: I think you may have an unhealthy attachment.

Girlfriend, trying to breastfeed our dog: Why?

Gender reveals are pointless now days.
“OMG ITS A BOY"
12 years later James is now Jessica with a penis.

Lots of people want chicken fingers.
But a very few wants to finger chickens.

The cross-eyed circumciser was so bad, he got the sack.

You’ve heard of a 69, but have you heard of a 71?
It’s like a 69 , but with two watching.

The pregnant woman who couldn't sing wasn't using her diaphragm properly.

At a certain age "Being good in bed" simply means not snoring...

Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead.
Hey, thanks for the compliment!

What’s the difference between necrofilia and choking fetish?

15 seconds.

Every time I see a set of twins, I always ask them: Which one of you is the unplanned one?

What’s the policy for the buffet at the orgy?
First Come First Serve.

I have a foot fetish...
I have tried using meters but it just doesn't work for me.

I found my first grey pubic hair today..
Normally things like that don't bother me...
But this was in my Big Mac..

I'm no Magician but I once turned a back rub into 2 kids and a mortgage.

I watched a documentary about the bikini last night.

It was in two parts. It didn’t cover much.

I feel uncomfortable around short people..what if they bite my knees.

Do you know what is the worst part about being an egg?
You get laid only once.

You know why ladies don't wear mini skirts in the winter?
Cause they'll get chapped lips

I was informed about a documentary on Netflix about the clitoris
I couldn’t find it.

I just found out you can get Botox for your ballsack to get all the wrinkles out.
Pretty nuts, right?

If women had apostrophes instead of periods they’d be a lot more possessive.

You know what catches my eye... Short People with umbrellas .

What do you call a sex scene between two trans people?

Transaction.

Some people say it is hard being a hostage. I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.

I was engaged to a boy with a wooden leg.
I got angry and broke it off.

What do you get if you dip your balls in ice cream?
Brain freeze.

"Babe is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

Why is the ocean so angry?
You'd be angry too if you had crabs all over your bottom......:-)

"First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak."
― Epictetus

I don't know about you guys. But I would never work in a tampon factory, PERIOD!

What do you call the testicles of a peacock? His peanuts.

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really huge cricket.

I dreamt last night that I knighted a fish...

it was Sir eel.

Every time you light a lighter, your lighter gets lighter until your lighter gets so light it won't light.

Me: Are You Bi ?
Her: Yeah, i am.
Me: Have you told your parents ?
Her: Yes. Why are you asking ?
Me: That must’ve taken them.. bi surprise.

What's the similarity between a camera and a condom?
They're both used to catch those special moments.

Why did the naked man take the elevator?
He couldn't take the stares.

What did the elephant say to a naked man in a zoo?
Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?