Hilarious jokes about SNAKEs that will make your day !

Random snake joke:


What snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.

Weird Jokes



Selected snake jokes:


If u don't take your woman out, someone else will. Ask Adam, He left Eve alone for 10 mins & the snake took her out for lunch she even brought takeaway for Adam.


I wish my Husband knew the difference between antidote and anecdote. I got bit by a snake and he starts telling me funny stories.


Condom marketing at it's best !!
(Hilarious) 10 funny condom slogans:
1. If you're nude, tube your dude!
2. Don't be silly. Protect your willy!
3. Wrap your tool, to catch the drool!
4. Cover your hose, then curl her toes!
5. Wrap your stump before you hump!
6. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener!
7. If you think its funky, cover your monkey!
8. Don't make a mistake. Cover your snake!
9. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong!
10. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it!


I hate snakes and worms because they have no feet...
You could say I'm lacktoes intolerant!



More snake jokes...


I wish my Husband knew the difference between antidote and anecdote. I got bit by a snake and he starts telling me funny stories.


A large snake obsessed with its health is a hypoanacondriac.


What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday? Hiss-tory!


What do you call a snake without any clothing?
S-naked.


Just trained snakes to clean the glass on my car. They're my Windshield Vipers.


Lizards are just 4 wheel drive snakes.


I gave my pet snake to the zoo.
He was developing a bad adder-tude!


Which kinds of snakes are found on cars? Windshield vipers!


If u don't take your woman out, someone else will. Ask Adam, He left Eve alone for 10 mins & the snake took her out for lunch she even brought takeaway for Adam.


One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped
over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over
you, but I'm blind and can't see.'
'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was
my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't
see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'
'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've
never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft,
and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and
a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'
The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind
of animal are you?'
The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to
examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well,
what kind of an animal am I?'
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold,
you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must be a POLITICIAN"


How do you measure a snake?

In inches—they don’t have feet.


What snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.


What kind of car does a snake drive?
An Ana-Honda.


I hate snakes and worms because they have no feet...
You could say I'm lacktoes intolerant!


Father & son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field."A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream & ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."The son answered "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the 2 chipmunks crawled up my pant legs & said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked.


A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.
Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse".


A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay
So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
Kevin replies “huge”
Then the bloke says “how many feet”
Kevin says “none its a snake you twat”


A python just swallowed my Paula Abdul CD.
He's a cold hearted snake.


Condom marketing at it's best !!
(Hilarious) 10 funny condom slogans:
1. If you're nude, tube your dude!
2. Don't be silly. Protect your willy!
3. Wrap your tool, to catch the drool!
4. Cover your hose, then curl her toes!
5. Wrap your stump before you hump!
6. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener!
7. If you think its funky, cover your monkey!
8. Don't make a mistake. Cover your snake!
9. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong!
10. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it!


I found a snake on my car windscreen once ... i think it was a windscreen viper. 😁


What do you call a snake that is approximately 3.14 feet long?

A πthon




More snake jokes on the following pages...


SEE also - CREATURES Jokes - funny living things stories:

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