Hilarious jokes about TV that will make your day !

Oxymorons .....
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24 Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

I’m not saying my son is ugly…But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.

The other day I saw a pigeon and a blackbird sitting on a tv aerial in peace and harmony.
I thought why can’t two men live like that.
Then I realised that a tv aerial couldn’t take their weight.

What do you call a group of Whales on a TV show? A podcast.

I started watching a new show about terrible DIY advice.
I'm now glued to the television.

I’m not saying my son is ugly…But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.

A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and
suddenly yells "Don't enter that church, you daft cunt , its a trap!!''

His wife asks him ''What are you watching ?''
Husband replies
"Our wedding video"

Q: What is a duck's favourite tv show?
A: A duck-u-mentary.

A priest booking into a hotel says " I hope that the porn channel on TV is disabled " " No, it`s normal porn you sick bastard ! "

I saw an advert on tv for coconut shampoo !
Who on earth would want to wash a coconut? 🤔

I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday.
And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it at a remote location.

I once told a joke about a tv aerial but it didn’t get a very good reception 📺

Just heard on the TV that humans eat more bananas than monkeys..
Not surprised really, can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. 🙊🙉🙈

Work vs Jail
In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8’ x 10’cell.
At work, I spend most of my time in a 6’ x 6’ cube.
In prison they get three meals a day.
At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the clothes.
At work there is a dress standard but I must buy my own clothes.
In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors myself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for me.
In prison they can watch TV and play games.
At work I can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they will pay my way through school to learn a new career and give me time to do it.
At work they will pay for my education but I must do it on my own time.
In prison they have exercise rooms that they allow you to use almost whenever you want.
At work we have an exercise room that you can use but it must be on your time.
In prison I can fall asleep on the job and no serious consequences comes from my actions.
At work if I fall asleep on the job I get put on the next RIF list.
In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball and chained.
In prison you have full medical coverage with no deductibles.
At work, you get partial coverage and pay all the deductibles.
In prison all expenses are paid by the tax payer, with no work on their part.
At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then deduct the taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.