Social networks and social media jokes !

Twitter 69 - you retweet me, I'll retweet you.

I was shaving my private part using my phone as mirror .

I didn't know I was live on TIKTOK.

Social media is like waking up in a mental asylum.
You have no idea you're committed until you try to leave.

I set up a living with paranoia page on Instagram…. Now everyone is following me.

TikTok is banned in India but most of Indian movies are just really long TikTok videos.

C in FACEBOOK stands for Censorship.

"I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around”.

I just found out my wife has a twin. I saw her on Tinder.

People still follow to unfollow later like they're celebrities.

Just paid off our mortgage using wife's Only Fans account.

She's going to be furious when she finds out she has an Only Fans account.

Twitter is cool because somewhere across the world someone you don’t know hates you.

Me, "Have you seen my TikTok?"
Wife. "It's called a watch; how old are you?"

How is Twitter like Playboy?

No one reads the articles.

She blocked me on all her socials.

She must want me to email her.

To be honest, I don't know what "TBH" and "IDK" mean.

The problem I have with thinking before you tweet is the whole thinking part.

I just found out my wife has a twin. I saw her on Tinder.

The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.

I was shaving my private part using my phone as mirror .

I didn't know I was live on TIKTOK.

The best sign of a happy relationship is no sign of it on social media.

The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.

Coworker: I can't find you on Facebook?
Me: I found you first and blocked you.

Just had a look when Sinead OConnor was last trending on Twitter.

It's been 7 hours and 15 days.

What do you give an influencer with bad breath?

A tik tok.

My girlfriend has made so much money since she's been on OnlyFans that I've got a new car and a set of custom golf clubs
I do worry that someone will recognize her in public and tell her she's on it though.

Remember when everyone who had diaries got pissed off when someone read them?
Now they put everything on Facebook and get pissed off when they don't!

I signed up for an anti-social network.
I think there's a lot of us, but nobody posts.
If they do, we'll be watching...

Facebook really be just a bunch of sad people making each other laugh with memes.

What is an example of a Facebook paradox?
Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb and having to decide between reporting him to the FBI or serving him ads for digital timers.

What does Match.com and the FBI's Top Ten list have in common?
I'm not wanted on either.

If Elon doesn’t rename Twitter to MySpaceX then what’s the point?

Reddit karma is a lot like sex
I don't get it.

How many Karma whores does it take to screw on a lightbulb?
When this reaches 500 upvotes I'll tell you.

What's the difference between Bad Karma and Reddit Karma?
You get Bad Karma by stealing other people's belongings. You get Reddit Karma by stealing other people's jokes.

My buddy asked me how my post got so much karma
“Simple, piece of cake”

During breakfast my wife told me that she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I nearly choked on my #brown.

Facebook removed my joke about rice cakes because they said it was tasteless.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.

If you gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it.
It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting.
I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.

When life gives you lemons, tweet about it.

Maybe Jesus only had 12 followers because he never retweeted anyone.

Them: explain it to me like I’m a child.

Me: I can’t because I don’t have TikTok.

Some people wonder why I never comment or like their posts... they don't realize it's because I unfollowed them a long time ago!

“Dad, what’s a coworker?”

“Someone you block on social media.”

" Remember when people had diaries and got mad when someone read them,
Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't..."

Social networking is like a club. Twitter is the dance floor, Tumblr is the bar and Facebook is the people crying in the toilets.

Twitter 69 - you retweet me, I'll retweet you.

late replies are so attractive like damn u don't give a fuck huh.

Roses are red, Facebook is blue, 0 mutual friends, Who the hell are you?

Ask me to prove I’m not a bot again and I’ll send you a dick pic.

FBI: We need to update our facial recognition files.

FB: Okay, we'll start a 10 year challenge ASAP!

Many famous instagrammers are selfie made people.

What does Santa post on his Instagram account?... Elfies!

When I first heard I had followers I was confused...I kept looking behind me but saw no one.