Random fish joke:
Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer.
All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-12-03.
Selected fish jokes:
How do you know fish are anxious to get caught?
They’re waiting with baited breath.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.
- Jeff Cesario
Any recommendations for music I can listen to while I'm fishing?
Something catchy.
More fish and fishing jokes...
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on shore like an idiot.
What is the best music to play when you go fishing?
Anything so long as it is catchy.
After having no luck ice fishing, my wife suggests that maybe I should stop dropping those one liners.
First attempt smoking a fish tonight.
Still prefer cigars.
What’s the best way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it at you.
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?
A flat fish !
Where are most fish found?
Between the head and the tail!
What’s a sea serpent’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships!
What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?
Tsardines.
What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?
Huckleberry Fin!
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric eels !
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?
He called the piano tuna!
Why are fish cleverer than humans?
Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
What do naked fish play with?
Bare-a-cudas.
What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A herring aid.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Which fish dresses the best?
The Swordfish – it always looks sharp!
What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.
What kind of money do fishermen make?
Net profits !
Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, one to change the light bulb and three to brag about how big the old one was and about the one that they would have changed, but “It got away”.
What’s the difference between an angler and a dunce?
One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
The little kid sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain. Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked “How many have you caught?” “You’re the tenth this morning,” was the reply.
An old lady saw a little boy with a fishing-rod over his shoulder and a jar of tadpoles in his hand walking through the park one Sunday. “Little boy,” she called, “don’t you know you shouldn’t go fishing on a Sunday?” “I m not going fishing, ma’am,” he called back, “I’m going home.”
A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. “Have you had any bites?” asked the second man. “Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much ?
A beer-a-cuda.
What do you call a fish without the eye?
fsh.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live?
Finland.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away?
“You bass-tard!”
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why can’t you tell a joke while ice fishing?
Because it’ll crack you up!.
What is the richest fish in the world?
A goldfish.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale!
What does the pope eat during lent?
Holy mackerel!
Why did the fish cross the road?
Cause it was hooked!
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
Did you hear about the fight at the seafood restaurant? Two fish got battered!
What is a fish’s favorite show?
“Name That Tuna.”
A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, “Are you the fish friar?” “No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”
What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument?
A bass drum.
Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walked across the water to get some more bait. After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait, so he got up and walked across the water. After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, “Should we have told him where the rocks were?”
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk!
Game warden: Didn’t you see the no-fishing sign, son?
Boy: I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!
Why didn’t Noah do much fishing on the ark?
He had only two worms.
Why did Batman and Robin quit going fishing together?
Because Robin ate all the worms!