Plants Jokes: The Funniest Collection of Botanical Humor.

I just got an emotional support watermelon,so far he seems to be a little seedy.

What do you get when you cross a dog and a daisy????
A cauliflower.

I used to dread walking under horse chestnut trees in the autumn But after therapy.. I've managed to conker it.

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

A failed mushroom hunter is a man without morels.

When a plant is hurt do you think the other's photosympathize with it?

Why was the garlic naked? It had taken off all its cloves.

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch willy?
A fungi to be with.

Customer: "Are these carrots genetically modified?"
Shop assistant: "No, why do you ask?"
Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"

Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
Not necescelery!

if a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize?

Q: what did the tree say after a long winter?
A: “what a reLeaf”

Growing tomatoes is really the best way to devote 3 months of your life only to save $2.17.

Why is it so dark in my garden?
I planted several bulbs this morning.

Onion rings.

What sounds do other vegetables make?

Dr. John Watson: "Sherlock, what is your favorite plant?"

Sherlock Holmes: "A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson!"

Why did the banana go to the Dr?
It wasn’t peeling very well.

I.m in hospital with food poisoning, its my own fault, l mistook a daffodil bulb for an onion, the doctors said I would be ok, l,l be out in the spring.

I used to dread walking under horse chestnut trees in the autumn But after therapy.. I've managed to conker it.

Went to the shop today to buy some lemons and apples, but they didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip.

I thought about becoming an arborist, but I realised I'd only ever be a branch manager.

Another wooden ball!!! Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?? I have like 12 already.

My indifference to roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.

Mushroom walked into a bar and ordered a drink, the bar tender said we don't serve your kind, the mushroom said "why, I'm a fun guy"

Why do trees hate riddles?

Because they’re easily stumped

Is the color called orange because of the fruit or is the fruit called orange because of the color?
No, it's the other way round.

Why was the baby jalapeño shivering?
... 🤔🙄🧐
Because he was a little chili...

I had an uncle who worked at a plant. His job was to make sure it was watered.

I have a pet tree.
It's like having a pet dog but its bark is quiet!

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, we dont serve your kind here. The mushroom asks. "why not? im a "fun guy".

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATHE!!!

So 2 potatoes are in an oven baking, 1 looks over at the other and says "man, it's hot in here." The other potato replies "OMG!!!! A talking potato!"

My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.

What is red and juicy and round? - A lemon disguised as a strawberry.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.

I think my plant is sick.
It's looking a little bit green.

What do you call a guy with a plant fetish?
A Weed Whacker.

What do you call the argument between two vegans?
A plant-based beef.

A tree that I planted years ago became sick and looked like dying.
So i dug around it to get to the root of the problem.

My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish.
She’s dead and berried.

Plant based cure for COVID-19.
Plant your butt at home.

What position does a baby plant serve in the army?
Infant tree.

I heard pornhub plant a tree for every 100 videos watched.
I guess I’m gonna “single handedly” save the planet then.

So I started cultivating a plant with my ex gf before she broke up with me for this other dude
Oh well, guess it’s his-tree now.

How can you tell an unidentified plant in your garden is a weed?
Try to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it's not a weed.

Why do hackers grow their plants with hydroponics?
To get root access.

I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order
People often ask : "how do you find the time?:

So I say : "it's right there next to the sage"

What kind of plant contains every known element?
A chemis-tree.

Do you know why you can't water indoor plants in Russia?
Because it's bad for microphones.

What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ?
Grow a pear.

Q: What do you call cannabis plants that grow in 1 day?
A: insta-pot.

My wife tried to take away my baby marijuana plants from me when we divorced.
Thank god the court granted me joint custody.

What did the young plant say to the old plant?
Ok bloomer.