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"Capitalism: the system where everyone has a chance to succeed, unless they're born without privilege or opportunity."
- Jennifer Lawrence
Welcome to our Capitalism Jokes page! Get ready to laugh out loud with our collection of witty and satirical jokes about the world's favorite economic system. From Wall Street to Main Street, we've got you covered.
Join us and let's poke fun at the absurdities of capitalism together!
Capitalism jokes: where profit meets punchlines!
i only type in lower case letters because i hate capitalism
I have a joke about capitalism. But I won't share it with you.
Issawi's Observation on the Consumption of Paper: Each system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of paper: in socialist societies by filling large forms in quadruplicate, in capitalist societies by putting up huge posters and wrapping every article in four layers of cardboard.
Freeman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem:
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
Bustlin' Billy's Bogus Beliefs:
The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who develop it.
There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
Capitalism can exist in one of only two states -- welfare or warfare.
I'd rather go whoring than warring.
History proves nothing.
There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.
A little humility is arrogance.
A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological rococo.
What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism?
It's the order of events,
In Capitalism the dad goes missing and then kids report,
while in Communism kids report then dad goes missing.
If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism
... then I probably wouldn't be complaining about capitalism.
Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea.
Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.
Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3
What do you call it when a white person robs you?
Capitalism jokes: because laughter is the best ROI.
I bought a book on capitalism...
but then returned it because some of the letters were in lower-case.
What's the difference between Communism and Capitalism?
In Communism the government owns and runs and collects everything.
In Capitalism you own and run things and the government collects it for you.
How do you get rid of capitalism?
Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.
Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.
Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.
I hate capitalism, so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.
If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism
... then I probably wouldn’t be complaining about capitalism.
What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?
They don't exist.
Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."
The whole bar died laughing.
I was going to post a joke about Capitalism...
... but 99% of you can't afford to get it.
Get ready to cash in on laughs with our capitalism jokes!
What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.
You're not capitalist. You're a wage slave with Stockholm syndrome.
Question to Radio Armenia: “Is it possible to build Communism in a random capitalist country like, say, the Netherlands?”
Answer: “Of course it’s possible but what have the Netherlands ever done to you?”
A schoolboy wrote in his weekly essay: “My cat just had seven kittens. They’re all communist.”
The following week, the boy wrote: “my cat’s kittens are all capitalist.”
The teacher called him up and asked him to explain the sudden change. “Last week, you said they were all communists!”
The boy nodded. “They were, but this week they all opened their eyes.”
En el capitalismo los hombres explotan a los hombres, en el comunismo, es al revés.
why do millennials always type in lowercase?
because they reject capitalism.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."