The Ultimate Collection of Government Jokes.

CLIMITARD /'klimit'tard/ NOUN: A PERSON THAT BELIEVES THE CLIMATE CAN BE CHANGED BY PAYING A TAX TO THE GOVERNMENT.

Peter Principle: In every hierarchy, whether it be government or business, each employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties. Corollaries:
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

What do you call a bee that works for the government.
A pollentician.

We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the press destroys information, religion destroys morals, and our banks destroy the economy.

Nearly every country is run by a shadow government who owes its loyalty to the New World Order controlled by a 13-member Illuminati Council.

If you behaved like your government you'd be arrested.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

There are two governments in America, the government you see and the government you don't see.

What do you call a feminist government?

A Dick-hater-ship.

Government creates the crises so it can "rescue" you with the loss of freedom.

Mafia: the same thing as the government, without all the pretense.

Government can't profit from self-sufficient people.

CLIMITARD /'klimit'tard/ NOUN: A PERSON THAT BELIEVES THE CLIMATE CAN BE CHANGED BY PAYING A TAX TO THE GOVERNMENT.

When the government says you don't need a gun buy two.

Remember, it's illegal to expose the illegal things the government does.

Liberty is the way.

End big government before it ends you.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

I don't just hate "the" government. I'm consistent. I hate government.

If government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

- Say government.
- Slavery.
- Same thing.

Licensing: when government takes away your right to do something and sells it back to you.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara desert, in 5 years, there'd be a shortage of sand.

Banks don't loan money, they loan debt, leveraged on the backs of the slaves, who are farmed by the government, and lovingly "tended" to by the education, prison and justice system.

The more trust in the government you have, the less knowledge of history you have.

"We investigated ourselves and found that we did nothing wrong"
~ The Government

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.

War is when your government tells you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is a government big enough to take away everything you have.

The difference between government and thieves is that thieves don't pretend they're helping you.

They convinced you that 'freedom' is giving 30-60% of your hard earned money to the government each year, just to stay out of jail.

Government: We injected you with poison.

Sheeple: Can I get my 5th booster now?!

Tyranny is that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry.

"I think we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious."
- Thomas Jefferson (1824)

Taxation transcends mere theft; it's government-sanctioned extortion, enforcing payment in a currency under their ultimate control, to fund global havoc, all because you happen to live in a certain area they decided they rule.

This injustice is beyond profound.

You hate the current government.

I HATE GOVERNMENT.

We are not the same.

Aliens invade: "EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE KILLED YOUR LEADERS, DESTROYED YOUR ECONOMY, AND ARE HERE TO TAKE OVER YOUR GOVERNMENT"

Humans: "oh thank god"

Aliens: "wait what?"

Keep government small and people free!

Libertarians are often accused of being utopian, but nothing is more utopian than the idea that government will limit itself.

Government is the entertainment division of the military-industrial complex

The government hates us all. Especially people that speak the truth.

The government is a huge Mafia that launders your tax money right back to themselves through foreign aid and endless wars.

Remember, it's illegal to expose the illegal things the government does.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

I emailed myself a copy of the constitution and bill of rights so the US Government could read it.

People who think their government cares about them probably think strippers love them too.

"The best way to get rid of government waste is to stop giving it money."
- Ron Paul

"Libertarians: Keeping the government out of your bedroom and out of your wallet."
- Unknown

Asking government to fix government is like asking cancer to cure cancer.

If government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

I trust the government to lie about everything.

The government no longer needs the police to enforce tyrannical rules because brainwashed people have assumed that role themselves.

We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the press destroys information, religion destroys morals, and our banks destroy the economy.

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.