Unleash Your Laughter with Rib-Tickling Political Jokes!

Q: What borders on complete stupidity?
A: Canada and Mexico.

How do you know when a website is lying?
When it ends in dot gov.

Politicians will fuck anything but off.

Mafia: the same thing as the government, without all the pretense.

Let's stop sending money to other countries and let them hate us for free.

Mice Die in Mouse Traps Because They Do Not Understand Why The Cheese Is Free.
The Same thing Happens With Socialism.

"We passed the Free Soda For All Act!!!"
"Awesome! When do we get our free soda?"
"Free soda? The bill makes
owning a dog illegal."

I don't just hate "the" government. I'm consistent. I hate government.

Socialism, not even Germans could make it work.

President Obama holds the world record for the most children killed by a Nobel peace prize winner.

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
- Frank Zappa

Vote for nobody, because nobody cares.

"When stupidity is considered patriotism, it is unsafe to be intelligent."

-- Isaac Asimov

FBI = FOLLOWING BIDEN'S INSTRUCTIONS

CIA = COCAINE IMPORTING AGENCY

If you want less success, tax it.
If you want more poverty, fund it.

Socialists - the flat earthers of economics.

UN condemns Israel for killing the Dead Sea.

Socialists want everything you have except your job.

Aliens: "Take us to your leader"

Humans: "No... You'll laugh at us."

"Politics is the art of making your selfish desires seem like the national interest."
~ Thomas Sowell

War is when your government tells you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.

It's kind of crappy that we basically pay politicians to tell us to go screw ourselves.

If you always vote for the lesser of two evils, you'll always get evil.

Aliens invade: "EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE KILLED YOUR LEADERS, DESTROYED YOUR ECONOMY, AND ARE HERE TO TAKE OVER YOUR GOVERNMENT"

Humans: "oh thank god"

Aliens: "wait what?"

Every socialist is a disguised dictator.

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
~ Plato

SOCIALISM : IDEAS SO GOOD THAT THEY HAVE TO BE MANDATORY.

Guys, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm starting to think politicians make false promises just to get elected.

There’s one state a politician wins regularly — the state of Denial.

Politicians should be limited to two terms: 1 in office and 1 in prison.

i only type in lower case letters because i hate capitalism

MAGA girls are prettier bc we don't have dicks.

What's the difference between a yoghurt and Australia?
If you leave a yogurt eventually it develops culture.

The Royal Mail Post Office is being renamed Charles III Post Office, or C3PO for short...

"We investigated ourselves and found that we did nothing wrong"
~ The Government

Voting is the adult version of writing a letter to Santa Claus.

BREAKING: Elon Musk offers to purchase the FBI for $100 billion.
No word yet if the Clinton's are willing to sell.

What does a European person say when they see something nasty?
EU.

What do you call a blind Facist?

A Not-see.

One reason Mr. Gore can dance to only one tune is because he moves to his own, algorhythm.

An American:
— We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
A Russian:
— We have Vladimir Putin, no wonder, no hope and no cash.

Alexa, tell me a joke about the president...

Alexa: people say I should run for president, but I think Im better suited, for speaker of the house!

“One ídiot is one idíot.
Two ídiots are two ídiots.
Ten thousand ídiots are a political party.”
— Franz Kafka

Big difference between politics and baseball.
In baseball you're out when caught stealing!

How does a LGBT Communist get to work?
On their Bi Sickle!

What insurance should all politicians have?
Lie Ability.

I have a joke about capitalism. But I won't share it with you.

Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?
Strippers don't rig their polls.

Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a strip club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra.

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns…
Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

Q: What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving Day?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for one day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.

Some people believe Monica Lewinsky was a Russian Spy. She would inform the Kremlin on what came out of the President’s head.
They were however unhappy when she blew the whole operation.

Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.

Have you heard the one about the communist cat?

..... he wouldn't shut up about Mao.

You know what's the difference between a housewife and a politician?
The housewife thinks about doing her taxes while having sex.
The politician thinks about having sex while spending your taxes.

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream.
"Why is everything here so bad?" asks Putin, "What can I do to make Russia great again?"

Stalin replies, "Execute half the government and paint the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" asks the inquisitive Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part" says Stalin.

The government offered to buy my guns from me.
But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

What's the difference between the government and a banjo?
You can fix a banjo.

Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses?
Because they'll make a coup.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?