Best fish and fishing jokes !

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. “Have you had any bites?” asked the second man. “Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”

Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. Give a man a fish and he says. "What the fuck are you handing me a dead fish for?"

Be careful when offering to help a fisherman.
You could be opening a can of worms.

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod., any cod.

The new film about fishing has a great cast.

Fishing License is so fucking stupid, you can't even drive a fish.

Looking for a married women, mad at her husband, who is willing to sell his fishing gear for cheap.

They keep telling me there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I haven't caught one in years, so I continue to sit here, holding my rod.

Why did the lady married the angler?

Because she wanted a reel man.

Why did the fisherman
go to his doctor for more viagra?
Because he was
hard of herring.

Any recommendations for music I can listen to while I'm fishing?

Something catchy.

Just been to a fisherman's disco.Lots of sole music.

How do fishermen get jobs?

Networking...

I just found a great sale on fishing equipment. I'd say it was the reel deal.

Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.
- Jeff Cesario

Fishing License is so stupid, you can't even drive a fish.

Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. Give a man a fish and he says. "What the fuck are you handing me a dead fish for?"

I got a bite the first time I went fishing. I panicked and phoned the Fisherman's Advice Bureau to see what I should do...
"Please hold the line" they said!

There's a new movie coming out about bass fishing.
The cast is amazing!

The best way to communicate with a fish, is to drop them a line.

Be careful when offering to help a fisherman.
You could be opening a can of worms.

My fanatic fly-fishing cousin broke his arm three years ago and still, fearing loss of his favourite pastime, refuses to have his cast removed!

I trained a fish to buy groceries.
It’s my shopping carp.

How does a flamenco dancer catch lots of fish.

She castanets.

Just got an email saying I can win $10,000 in a fishing tournament.

I know that has to be a catch somewhere.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, he will bore you to death with endless fishing stories and photos of himself on Facebook holding fish.

I'm just saying if you are fishing with a dotted line, you'll catch every other fish.

A son and his father go fishing together for the first time.

Son: How do I catch a fish?
Dad: Easy, just throw this clickbait into the water.
Son: Got it, what’s next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you.

My fish friend has fallen head over eels in love…

What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy!

I accidentally swallowed a load of maggots while out fishing.......
Now I'm in hospital waiting with baited breath.

Fishermen don't watch much cable. They prefer livestreams.

I've just started my new job packing fish at a local factory but it's only casual.
— Ad hoc?
— No, it's mainly kippers

Two fish in a tank, one fish says to the other " You drive it, I'll fire the big gun"

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod., any cod.

Maybe I'd have better luck if I renewed my fishing license on-line.

I used to date a fishing fanatic's
wife online, she was click-bait
I tell ya!

My buddy catches fish with his mouth, he sits there patiently with baited breath.

What day do fish prefer to get caught?
Throwback Thursday.

How do you know fish are anxious to get caught?
They’re waiting with baited breath.

"You have been charged with assaulting your wife with a fish," the judge said. "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"Yes," I replied, "It's cods wallop."!!!!

Teach a man to fish, but don't teach him to flounder.

What’s the most important figure on a Fisherman’s taxes?
His “Net” Income!

The fisherman does not go to the gym anymore. He stopped after he pulled a mussel last week.

Dad: Wanna go fishing with me?

Son: No. You never catch anything.

Dad: It’s not called Catching. It’s called Fishing.

Why do fishermen always argue? Because you can't catch de fish, without de bait.

Fishermen seldom make good standup comedians but sometimes they’ll come up with some nice one liners.

Went fly fishing today I caught two bluebottles and a wasp.

Why didn't Noah ever go fishing?
He had only 2 worms.

Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer.
All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."

How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.

Just watched a film about fly fishing.
The cast was amazing.

Did you know that there is a strict social hierarchy in the fishing community? That's right, there's a caste system.

I ordered some fish at the fish shop. I paid and I asked the salesman behind the counter to throw it at me.
He asked, "Why?"
I said, "So I can say I caught it myself!