Plant Jokes: The Funniest Collection of Botanical Humor.

Why is it so dark in my garden?
I planted several bulbs this morning.

I think my plant is sick.
It's looking a little bit green.

Went to the shop today to buy some lemons and apples, but they didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip.

What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ?
Grow a pear.

I heard an interesting show about how to plant peas. It was a podcast.

Where do young trees go to learn?

Elementree school.

I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out they’re all bark and no bite.

I said to my wife:
"You're obsessed with plants."
She said:
"Where does that stem from, petal?"

My wife said we needed to support our tomato plants. I gave them a pep talk.

I just got an emotional support watermelon,so far he seems to be a little seedy.

I checked out the conditions of an old tree this morning. I didn't like the sound of its bark.

Momma Flower & Papa Flower unexpectedly had a Little Flower.

It was an Oopsy Daisy!

FUN FACT:
Lemons were not naturally made, so life didn’t give us lemons, we gave lemons life.

After the tree was cut down, it didn’t know what to do. It was stumped.

Doctor: you need a transplant.

Me: I didn’t know plants identified that way.

Doctor: you know what? You can just die.

I have a pet tree...
It's like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.

Why do toadstools grow so close together in the forest?
Because in the forest there isn't mushroom.

I met a Cactus the other day. He was a prick.

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood?

By it's bark.

How much room do fungi need to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

Got lost in the woods because I couldn't cedar forest fir the trees.

How does the tree stay fit?

He planks.

All these companies bragging about making plants taste like meat...

Cows have been doing that forever!

Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.

How do trees get on the internet? They log in!

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

I heard, that when the carrot died, there was a big turnip at his funeral.......

Pollen is what happens when flowers can't keep it in their plants.

“I’m worried that these plants are made of plastic”

“They’re not”

“Ah good. That’s a real leaf”

What did the grape say when the fox stood on it? Nothing other than letting out a little wine.

What do you call a tree that can’t figure out a riddle? Stumped.

What did the plant say when it was hungry?
I could use a light snack.

They are taking down a palm tree next month
I got a save the date invitation…

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

What's a plumber's least favourite vegetable?

Leeks.

I couldn’t figure out why my flowers kept getting high until I realized they were all into pot.

What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber.

My wife wanted to brighten up the garden.

So I planted some bulbs.

I have a fear of roses. It's a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.

What does a pear tree do before growing its fruit?..
It prepares..

Why do trees hate test?
The questions stump them!

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

He just wanted to be a watermelon.

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with plants .....I said for crying out loud Petal where has this stemmed from?

if a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize?

What did the broccoli say to the celery?
Stop stalking me.

Pollen, thats when flowers can't keep it in their plants.

What veggies do sailors hate most?
Leeks!

What do you get when you cross a dog and a daisy????
A cauliflower.

Saw a plant cut into the shape of a skeleton. It was a bone-sai tree.

What did the beaver say to the tree?
It’s nice gnawing you!

Trying to grow eggplants but I can't figure out how deep to bury the chicken.

My wife just said our Garden needs Brightening up..
So I've just planted some Bulbs..

When do flowers become ghosts? When they've rose from the dead.

Got a new eco-friendly suit made of cactus leaves.
I look really sharp in it.