The Ultimate Collection of Socialism Jokes.

Mice Die in Mouse Traps Because They Do Not Understand Why The Cheese Is Free.
The Same thing Happens With Socialism.

Socialism, not even Germans could make it work.

Socialists - the flat earthers of economics.

Socialists want everything you have except your job.

Every socialist is a disguised dictator.

The Socialist myth is that wealth is there to be redistributed. The truth is that wealth has to be created.
M.T.

SOCIALISM : IDEAS SO GOOD THAT THEY HAVE TO BE MANDATORY.

Socialists say “publicly owned”. What they mean is “State controlled”.

Socialists say “Government aid”. What they mean is “taxpayers' aid”.

Socialists say “social justice”. What they mean is “selective justice”.

Socialists say “equality”. What they mean is “levelling down”.

Why do they twist the truth like this? Because they dare not spell out the Socialist reality.

M.T.

If I had a dollar for every time socialism worked, I would have $0.

'If socialists understood economics they wouldn't be socialists.'
— Friedrich Hayek

“The sadist desires to command and control. The masochist desires to be freed from the burdens of liberty. That is Socialism.”
- A.E. Samaan

“Socialism, or communism as it is sometimes called, is merely a secular religion, where the State becomes a god.”
- Stefan Molyneux

Issawi's Observation on the Consumption of Paper: Each system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of paper: in socialist societies by filling large forms in quadruplicate, in capitalist societies by putting up huge posters and wrapping every article in four layers of cardboard.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem:

Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Chuck Norris would make socialism work everywhere he tried it.

Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea.
Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.
Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

How do you know if someone is a socialist?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What do you call a socialist who's into fashion?
Commie Hilfiger.

Did you hear the one about having lunch in a socialist state?
Sorry, you wouldn't get it.

What do you call a funny person who is a socialist?
A commie-dian.

Why did the socialist drop out of school?
He was really struggling with the classes.
Getting really low Marx.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

My ex got sent to jail for plotting a radical socialist coup.
Guess I should have...
Paid attention to the red flags.

Why are socialist school teachers so disorganized?
Because they love to see the class struggle.

I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.
I got top Marx.

What did the socialist say to the fisherman?
Sea's the means of production.

What did socialists use before candles?
... Electricity

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.
The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"
The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."

A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.
"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.
"No, we're mostly left."

Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs?
In a communest.

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

Why did the socialist drop out of high school math?
Because there were too many damn inequalities.

So I asked my cat who his favorite socialist was.
He just looked at me and said Mao.

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...
... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets.

"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "
Don't you mean social drinker?"
"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."

Child: When I grow up I want to be a socialist.
Parent: You can’t do both.

I'd do a Socialism joke, but I don't want to put a Marx on my back.

A regional Communist Party meeting is held to celebrate the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. The Chairman gives a speech: “Dear comrades! Let’s look at the amazing achievements of our Party after the revolution. For example, Maria here, who was she before the revolution? An illiterate peasant; she had but one dress and no shoes. And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known throughout the entire region. Or look at Ivan Andreev. He was the poorest man in this village; he had no horse, no cow, not even an axe. And now? He is a tractor driver with two pairs of shoes! Or Trofim Semenovich Alekseev – he was a nasty hooligan, a drunk, and a dirty gadabout. Nobody would trust him with as much as a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything he could get his hands on. And now he’s Secretary of the Party Committee!”