Unleash Your Laughter with Rib-Tickling Political Jokes!

Sonia Gandhi met the Queen of England in her palace

Sonia: "Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Sonia frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?"

The Queen: "Easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "David Cameron, would you come in here, please?"

David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, ma'am?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me, ma'am."

"Very good! Thank you, David !" said the Queen.

Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said "See?"

Now its Sonia's turn to apply the same logic....

Sonia went back to India and asked Rahul..
"Rahul , answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Rahul Gandhi . "Let me get back to you on that one..."

Rahul Gandhi went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer...

Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, "Narendrabhai, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"..

Narendra Modi answered, "That's easy, it's me!"..

Rahul said, "Thanks!"

*Then he went back to Sonia. "I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Narendra Modi*..."😎

*Sonia slapped him*....
and *shouted* ..
"No ! *You dumb idiot! It's David Cameron*.

I saw a drawing of the president's face on a wheel, looking quite depressed.
It was political sad tire.

How about appointing a plumber to Secretary of the Treasury? We've got to do something about all the money going down the drain.

I finally found out why there are no knock-knock jokes about America.
It’s because freedom rings.

What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.

Who was the biggest joker in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette.

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday.
And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?
I don't know, but I always think the flag is a big plus.

Iraqis thought it was Bush who's crazy and it was Saddam who's sane!!!

Puns about Communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Why does Putin get speeding tickets?
He's always Russian here and there.

Bill Clinton said the reason he kept Monica around was she had the whitest teeth that he had ever Cum across.

Where did George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies 😂

There isn't a census in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

Nelson Mandela gets a knock on the door.

The guy says “where do you want me to drop off these car parts?

NM says “What car parts, I haven’t ordered any? Show me the delivery note please?”

He reads the note and says “you stupid man, it says here
Nissan Main Dealer !!!!!”

How do bureaucrats wrap presents?

With lots of red tape. 😎

Political opinions are like dicks.
It’s OK to have them, just don’t shove them down people’s throats.

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.

A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink. 🍾

It was so cold today, a Democrat had his hands in his own pockets! 😁

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Senator. 😛

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?
A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller. 😏

Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again. 💡

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

When asked if they would have sex with Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, "Not again."

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope. 🤣

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. 🤑

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress ? 😎