Unleash Your Laughter with Rib-Tickling Political Jokes!

If he's ousted as Prime Minister of Israel, Bibi could take up a new hobby and be known as Knittin-yahu....

What do you call a bee that works for the government.
A pollentician.

Suicide is illegal because it’s destruction of government property.

If Ukraine your neck hard enough, you may just be able to look over the Russian border.

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

ISIS captured Fidel Castro's proctologist because he had been infidel.

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped
over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over
you, but I'm blind and can't see.'
'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was
my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't
see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'
'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've
never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft,
and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and
a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'
The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind
of animal are you?'
The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to
examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well,
what kind of an animal am I?'
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold,
you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must be a POLITICIAN"

What does Trump's security tell him when he is attacked?
Donald, Duck.

Have you heard the conspiracy about Russian allotments? It's all just a communist plot.

Prince Charles went to the doctor's...

He said, "When I clear my throat, I smell of farts."

The doctor said, "D'you cough wind, sir?"

He said, "No, I'm Prince of Wales."

Are members of the House of Lords susceptible to peer pressure?

Paul McCartney has been asked to improve the Syrian President's skimpy underwear.
Take Assad's thong and make it better.

Never accept tea offered by the Russian President.
You don't know what Vladimir Putin.

Men Are From Mars :
Women Are From Venus :
Politicians Are from Uranus ...

Where did Saddam Hussein keep his CDs?

In Iraq 👊

In democracy your vote counts.
But in feudalism, your Count votes.

What happens if you give a politician viagra??

He gets taller.

One of the lesser known Winston conversations.
Winston walks into the gents in the Houses of Parliament, sees Clement Attlee at the urinal and walks to the furthest urinal away from Attlee.
Attlee says’ feeling standoffish today Winston’?
Winston replies ‘not at all, but you buggers see anything of any size and you want to Nationalise it’!

Imagine Barack Obama meeting Former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak.
"Barack, Mubarak."
"Mubarak, Barack."

Why did Karl Marx like herbal tea. Because proper tea is theft.

There's a rumor going around about the Canadian Prime Minister.

It's Trudeau.

What did George Washington tell his men before getting in the boat to cross the Delaware? "Men, get in the boat."

What did Al Gores name his electric band?

The Algorithm.

The Israelis i'm sure were the first to have Yahoo on the internet, they've had Net and Yahoo for years.

I bought a smart TV.
It doesn't show Trump.

Why does George W Bush hate math so much? Because of the Al Gore ithms.

Vladimir Putin is my favorite magician.
He makes his opponents disappear.

Doctor, when is the coronavirus pandemic going to end?

I don't know, I'm not that into politics.

Why can't Trump go to white house anymore?
Because it's FOR BIDEN.

Just passed my Communism exam. I got full Marx.

Just passed my Communism exam. I got full Marx.

Today I am celebrating 4 yrs clean of being a Democrat.

Daddy, do all fairy tales start with Once upon a time?

No dear, there’s a whole series of fairly tales that start with “If elected, I promise”.

USB is just a backup for when USA fails.

Q: Why don't Democrats drink?
A: It interferes with their suffering!

All his life Karl Marx only drank lemon tea.
He considered all Proper-tea to be theft.

I have so much debt, I can start a government.

I vote no president next term. America needs to be single for a while and just focus on herself.

When Trump was asked if he handled covid properly, he responded....

I’m positive.

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar....
Can't tell me that's not a coincidence!

-Did you hear Putin was nominated for the Nobel Prize?
-In chemistry, I assume?

J.F.K, Charles de Gaulle, Indira Ghandi... Why are so many world leaders named after airports?...

Q are you happy with a racist President ?
A no we replaced him with President Trump )

BLM is just KKK with color and media support.

If you are going to assume im a racist because i support Trump, im just going to assume you like to touch kids because you support Biden.

Q: What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?
A: Bony Sanders.

I'm not sure where all the racists are going to go when social media platforms kick them off.
They can't all go to Congress.

I love every bone in your body aspesialy mine...🥰

- What do you call a bedpan in Russia?
- A Poo-tin.

One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
“Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you’ll be safer if you stand up.”

Show me Karl Marx's grave and I'll show you a Communist Plot.

Communist memes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

Apparently, Karl Marx's grave is a communist plot. 🙃

Too often a banquet is a plate of cold chicken and peas surrounded by warm appeals for funds.

I found out my girlfriend was giving out free blow jobs.
I always knew she was a damned socialist.

Sonia Gandhi met the Queen of England in her palace

Sonia: "Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Sonia frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?"

The Queen: "Easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "David Cameron, would you come in here, please?"

David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, ma'am?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me, ma'am."

"Very good! Thank you, David !" said the Queen.

Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said "See?"

Now its Sonia's turn to apply the same logic....

Sonia went back to India and asked Rahul..
"Rahul , answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Rahul Gandhi . "Let me get back to you on that one..."

Rahul Gandhi went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer...

Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, "Narendrabhai, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"..

Narendra Modi answered, "That's easy, it's me!"..

Rahul said, "Thanks!"

*Then he went back to Sonia. "I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Narendra Modi*..."😎

*Sonia slapped him*....
and *shouted* ..
"No ! *You dumb idiot! It's David Cameron*.

I saw a drawing of the president's face on a wheel, looking quite depressed.
It was political sad tire.

How about appointing a plumber to Secretary of the Treasury? We've got to do something about all the money going down the drain.

I finally found out why there are no knock-knock jokes about America.
It’s because freedom rings.

What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.