Hilarious Dog Jokes that Will Make You Howl !

My dog ran into a pine tree, now he’s wearing a cone!

I took my dog to the park today and played Frisbee with him...
He was useless. I think I need a flatter dog.

My dog is named Curiosity. I no longer have a cat.

A dog isn't disobedient during his walk.
He's renegotiating the terms of his leash.

What is a dog’s favorite spy movie?
Mission im-paw-sible.

I took my stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow but it didn’t fetch much.

I’m starting a restaurant that can put flambé desserts in a doggy bag. I’m calling it “Carryouts of Fire”

After the mailman was bitten in the crotch, he reported that a dog had stolen his package.

"Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma."

A friend’s dog swallowed a cushion. The vet has described its condition as comfortable.

What do you call Snoop Dogg in a hot air balloon?
Higher than usual.

I started my new job in a salon today when a beautiful lady walked in.

She said, I'm undecided at the moment. What's the best style you can give to me.

Doggy, I replied.

Sex before marriage is a sin so always do it doggy style because all dogs go to heaven.
*Follow me for more loopholes on getting into Heaven.

I have a pet tree...
It's like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.

Sometimes I wish my dog could talk.
But then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.

When someone rings the doorbell why do dogs always assume its for them?

Wife's not spoken to me since she caught me using her toothbrush. So if anybody knows of another method of getting dogs shit off my shoe please advise.

Trying to find a good time to tell my dog he's adopted.

Ladies.
When it comes to Doggy-Style, I'm behind you 100%.

Not saying my wife’s lazy but we haven’t had a clean plate in the house since the dog died.

I’ve just started working as a professional dog walker and it’s so easy.

It’s a walk in the park.

How do dog catchers get paid?
By the pound!

I was picking up dog poo in the park this morning and thought to myself...
I should really get a dog.

It's raining cats and dogs...
We should not have stored all our C4 in the animal shelter...

I told my psychiatrist I felt like a dog. He told me to get off the couch.

I told her I wanted to take a picture with the dog,
She told me to use the camera instead...

FUN Fact:
A man is more likely to get a woman’s phone number if he is accompanied by a dog.

I admire my dog for having the confidence to poop in public.

What are hot dogs called in winter?
Chilly dogs.

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

I just hope if I’m ever abducted by aliens they let me bring my dog.

I started my new job in a saloon today when a beautiful lady walked in.

She said I'm undecided at the moment. What's the best style you can give to me

Doggy I replied.

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood?

By it's bark.

I don't do a great dog impression, but I can do a ruff approximation.

I gonna get a female dog

I'm naming her Karma...

The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.

How do you stop a dog from barking in the back of a car?

Put him in the front.

Radio Yerevan was asked: "Was comrade Lenin a scientist or a politician?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Of course, a politician. If he were a scientist, he would've first tried his theories on dogs."

When someone tells me they aren't a dog person, all I hear is blah, blah, blah, I'm a psychopath.

Me: Doc, my dog, he has no nose.

Doc: How's he smell then?

Me: Pretty bad actually!

I got fired from the hot dog stand because I couldn't cut the mustard.

What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
Blood hound!

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

When people ask why I have a plastic bag in my coat pocket, I tell them that it’s in case I need to pick up poop. I never tell them that I have a dog, though. They don’t need that kind of detail.

My dog likes everyone. It's me you have to worry about.

Why aren't dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet!

Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint.
Go to a women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!

A man with a dog walks into a bar
The bartender asks is that a french poodle?
because its going oui oui all over the place.

I took my dog to the park today and played frisbee with him...he was useless...I think I need a flatter dog...

I assure you that if we meet I will never remember your name unless you’re a dog.

If you can't find your dog, open the fridge door. Now he's standing right behind you.

I was going to do a joke about the difference between cats and dogs but I think it’s a bit two petty.

Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.

It's cute when a dog stares at you and tilts his head when he doesn't understand what you're saying, but apparently it's annoying when a husband does it.

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

I tried to teach my dog to dance, but he just doesn’t get it. Honestly, he acts like he has two left feet!

I have a leg less dog named cigarette. Every morning I take him out for a drag.

Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

COP PULLS OVER A DRUNK DRIVER and says: The answer to this question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?!

Why should you never go for a jog if it is raining cats and dogs outside?
You might step in a poodle!