The Ultimate Collection of Government Jokes.

Davidson's Maxim: Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.

Banks don't loan money, they loan debt, leveraged on the backs of the slaves, who are farmed by the government, and lovingly "tended" to by the education, prison and justice system.

Cohen's Laws of Politics:

Law of Alienation: Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Law of Ambition: At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
Law of Attraction: Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
Law of Competition: The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a nonthreatening incompetence.
Law of Inside Dope: There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
Law of Lawmaking: Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
Law of Permanence: Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was today.
Law of Secrecy: The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.
Law of Wealth: Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed wealth who has the financial resources to convince the middle class and poor that he will be on their side.
Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream.
"Why is everything here so bad?" asks Putin, "What can I do to make Russia great again?"

Stalin replies, "Execute half the government and paint the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" asks the inquisitive Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part" says Stalin.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

There are two governments in America, the government you see and the government you don't see.

What do you call a feminist government?

A Dick-hater-ship.

Government creates the crises so it can "rescue" you with the loss of freedom.

Mafia: the same thing as the government, without all the pretense.

Government can't profit from self-sufficient people.

CLIMITARD /'klimit'tard/ NOUN: A PERSON THAT BELIEVES THE CLIMATE CAN BE CHANGED BY PAYING A TAX TO THE GOVERNMENT.

When the government says you don't need a gun buy two.

Remember, it's illegal to expose the illegal things the government does.

Liberty is the way.

End big government before it ends you.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

I don't just hate "the" government. I'm consistent. I hate government.

If government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

- Say government.
- Slavery.
- Same thing.

Licensing: when government takes away your right to do something and sells it back to you.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara desert, in 5 years, there'd be a shortage of sand.

Banks don't loan money, they loan debt, leveraged on the backs of the slaves, who are farmed by the government, and lovingly "tended" to by the education, prison and justice system.

The more trust in the government you have, the less knowledge of history you have.

"We investigated ourselves and found that we did nothing wrong"
~ The Government

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.

War is when your government tells you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is a government big enough to take away everything you have.

The difference between government and thieves is that thieves don't pretend they're helping you.

They convinced you that 'freedom' is giving 30-60% of your hard earned money to the government each year, just to stay out of jail.

Government: We injected you with poison.

Sheeple: Can I get my 5th booster now?!

Tyranny is that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry.

"I think we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious."
- Thomas Jefferson (1824)

Taxation transcends mere theft; it's government-sanctioned extortion, enforcing payment in a currency under their ultimate control, to fund global havoc, all because you happen to live in a certain area they decided they rule.

This injustice is beyond profound.

You hate the current government.

I HATE GOVERNMENT.

We are not the same.

Aliens invade: "EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE KILLED YOUR LEADERS, DESTROYED YOUR ECONOMY, AND ARE HERE TO TAKE OVER YOUR GOVERNMENT"

Humans: "oh thank god"

Aliens: "wait what?"

Keep government small and people free!

Libertarians are often accused of being utopian, but nothing is more utopian than the idea that government will limit itself.

Government is the entertainment division of the military-industrial complex

The government hates us all. Especially people that speak the truth.

The government is a huge Mafia that launders your tax money right back to themselves through foreign aid and endless wars.

Remember, it's illegal to expose the illegal things the government does.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

I emailed myself a copy of the constitution and bill of rights so the US Government could read it.

People who think their government cares about them probably think strippers love them too.

"The best way to get rid of government waste is to stop giving it money."
- Ron Paul

"Libertarians: Keeping the government out of your bedroom and out of your wallet."
- Unknown

Asking government to fix government is like asking cancer to cure cancer.

If government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

I trust the government to lie about everything.

The government no longer needs the police to enforce tyrannical rules because brainwashed people have assumed that role themselves.

We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the press destroys information, religion destroys morals, and our banks destroy the economy.

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.

"Propaganda is the executive arm of the invisible government."
~ Edward Bernays

Socialists say “publicly owned”. What they mean is “State controlled”.

Socialists say “Government aid”. What they mean is “taxpayers' aid”.

Socialists say “social justice”. What they mean is “selective justice”.

Socialists say “equality”. What they mean is “levelling down”.

Why do they twist the truth like this? Because they dare not spell out the Socialist reality.

M.T.