"Easter is the only time of year when it's socially acceptable to put all your eggs in one basket."
- Kim Kardashian
"Easter is the day when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus...and when I celebrate my resurrection from the couch after eating way too much chocolate."
- Ellen DeGeneres
Don't be a yolk, check out our hilarious Easter jokes!
Why don’t the EasterBunny make noise, during sex?…
Why do Easter eggs hide?
Cause they're a little chicken.
What did Jesus say to his apostles on the cross before he died ?
Don't touch my fucking easter eggs il be back on Sunday.
"I'll give you 3 days to pay your rent!"
"OK. I'll pick the 4th of July, Christmas, and Easter."
How does the Easter Bunny travel?
By hare plane!
My Eastern European friend got a job at AT&T. Now he's a telephone Pole.
A Middle Eastern market is opening up in our neighborhood.
How bazaar is that?
Irish guy goes on Mastermind:
"Your chosen subject?" Magnus Magnusson asked.
"Easter Rising of 1916, sir," replied Pat.
"Time starts now ... How long did the Easter Rising last?"
"Who led the Easter Rising of 1916?"
"How many men were involved in the Easter Rising of 1916?"
Suddenly an Irish voice boomed from the studio audience:
"That's right, Pat - don't tell the bastards anything!"
Wife: What are your plans for Easter?
Hubby: Same as Jesus...
Wife: What do you mean??
Hubby: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday.
Wife: Thats awesome if you do that... I will be like Mary.
Hubby: What do you mean??
Wife: Show up pregnant without being touched by my hubby.
Hubby stayed home all Weekend.
I know a joke about Easter, but it's wholly weak.
Hop on over to our Easter jokes for a basket full of laughter!
How to make Easter easier - replace the t with an i.
I want to open a restaurant that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine
I call it "Wok like an Egyptian".
Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter Egg a joke?
Because it might crack up.
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...
"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."
"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."
"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."