Hilarious Wedding Jokes to Keep the Celebration Rolling.

Women who marry for money and men who marry for beauty are equally robbed in the end.

At my wedding, There will be a break for y’all to go home and eat then come back.

People get married cos all good things have to come to an end.

A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.

I've done stupid things in my life before, I even once got married.

What do you feed a woman to get her to stop having sex with you?
Wedding cake.

I wanna marry someone funnier than me but sadly, i am the funniest.

Why couldn't the couple get married at the library? Because it was all booked up.

Sex before marriage is considered a sin…
After marriage a miracle!

Minister: "Repeat after me."
Groom: "After me."
Minister (to bride): "Is he serious?"
Bride: "No. He is David."

How did a couple of gardeners get married?

They had a weeding ceremony.

Marriage is having your spouse sit next to you & play loud videos on their phone while you’re trying to watch your favorite show.

Me: Omg is this a horror movie?!

Him: It’s our wedding video.

The brain is the most outstanding organ in the body. It works 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. From birth, until you marry .

2 slices of bread got married...
It was going well till someone suggested Toasting the Bride and Groom.

No romance on my wedding night,
We will count our money.

Some people get married only for the matri-money.

I'm not saying my wife's greedy, but on her birthday she ate her cake so fast,we had to prise her mouth open to blow the candles out.

I lost a close friend and drinking partner last week.

It was horrible. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.

I met my husband while working as a storm chaser. We married after a whirlwind romance.

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter-wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.

I wanted to get married at the library but it was all booked up.

My friend just called me the worst best man ever. I was speechless.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 Hearts and a Diamond, by the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

90% of marriage is moving a new piece of furniture around the house all day until you find the perfect spot for it which is back at the store.

I’ve decided to marry a pencil.
I can’t wait to introduce you all to my bride 2B.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

The key to a successful marriage lies in redefining “successful.” And “marriage.” Possibly even “a.”

“Doctor, Doctor, please help! I’m getting married soon and I can’t get over my fear of wedding vows... do you know of a cure?”

“I can’t say I do”

“Not you as well!”

"Choice, not chance, determines your destiny."

- Aristotle

I was going to marry a glue salesman, but.....
he was stuck to his work.

When you marry a wife who's shaped like an hourglass, every minute counts.

Me and my wife did our Weekly Grocery shop in Lidl on the day we got married.
For Butter and for Wurst.

My wife said to me "I bet you don't remember our wedding vows".
I said I do.

MARRIAGE IS LIKE a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what's in it!

MARRIAGE is all about give and take. So, you’d better give it to her or she’ll take it!

Whoever said that getting married was the happiest day of their life, obviously hasn’t had 2 candy bars fall down at the same time in the vending machine.

A man is not complete until he's married.
Then he's finished.

The only GOOD THING about MARRIAGE is that if you're afraid of the dark, you won't sleep alone!

SECRET TIP FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE: If you want to be happy with a man, love him less and understand him more. But if you want to be happy with a woman, love her more and never try to understand her!

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A HOT BATH
Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot anymore!

Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. And now, you are mad at each other as well...

A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE requires falling in love many times... but keep in mind it has to be always with the same person!

Marriage has its pros and cons: on one hand, you get to wear a cool ring, but on the other hand, you don’t.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.

Name a better phrase than 'a delay in the bride's arrival'.
Aisle wait.

Marrying a lady at 30 is like buying a newspaper in the evening.

Some people say that 'marriage' is just a piece of paper... But then so is money!

I think that marriage is an attempt to solve problems together, but which you didn't even
have when you were on your own!

WHAT'S MARRIAGE? It's a bond between a person who NEVER REMEMBERS anniversaries, and another who NEVER FORGETS them!!!

First the dairy man proposed to her.
Then the sausage maker proposed.
She had to decide to marry for butter or wurst.

My gardener is getting married, its his weeding day.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress?
They were married in the spring!

The astronaut is getting married and he is over the moon through out the process.

A friend of mine got married to the girl he met on a boat. It was a ferry tale wedding.

I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

Don't you just hate it when people forget what they're meant to say at weddings?
I know I do.

What’s the worst thing about being married?
THE WIVES.

Marriage is an institution but who wants to be institutionalized?

I never knew what true happiness was till I got married, and then it was too late..