Laughter in Tough Times: The Best Divorce Jokes.

Got divorced this week. The wife took every thing , except my collection of model lions.
No where to live , no money. All I’ve got left is my pride. ..

Is Divorce An Event That Cause Your ‘In-laws’ to become ‘Outlaws’ ?!?!?

Getting a divorce is like getting fired from a job you’ve hated for years.

Q: What should you do after a man steals your wife?
A: Let him keep her!

My wife made a list of the ten reasons she wants a divorce.

1. I don’t seem to care
2. I’m not a good listener
3. etc

When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer.
Or so I've been told.
Twice now.

Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
His partner was frigid.

Proud to say my wife and I are still married after 35 years. Don’t tell her though. She thought I signed the divorce papers years ago.

Got divorced this week. The wife took every thing , except my collection of model lions.
No where to live , no money. All I’ve got left is my pride. ..

Listen fellas, if your woman says she doesn't want gifts, don't buy her gifts. That shit's on her for lying.

Follow this fresh divorcée for more marriage advice.

If marriage is grand, what is divorce ?
Ten grands !

Divorce is always messier if there’s children involved and that’s why you should never marry children.

Is Divorce An Event That Cause Your ‘In-laws’ to become ‘Outlaws’ ?!?!?

When the two digging machines got a divorce, they became excavators.

Why did the clown's wife file for divorce?
She was over IT...

Why did Jeff Bezos get divorced?
He needed more space.

Q: How can you tell if a woman is divorced?
A: She's bungee jumping for joy.

Q: Have you heard of the new divorced Barbie doll?
A: She comes with all of Ken's stuff!

Q: What is Alimony?
A: The screwing you get for the screwing you got!

Q: How do you know your wife is a good housekeeper?
A: After the divorce she keeps the house!

Q: What should you do after a man steals your wife?
A: Let him keep her!

Q. What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A. When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick.

Divorce is like having a garage sale. You set your junk on the lawn and someone comes along and snaps it up like a treasure.

Divorce is like getting out of jail but not having any money to do anything cool.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness never paid for a divorce.

Ex #1: Every passing year our relationship gets better.
Ex #2: But we’re divorced.
Ex #1: Yes.

What did Yoda say to Princess Leia after separating with Han Solo?
May divorce be with you.

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn’t stand up in court.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.

A dentist and a manicurist decided to get divorced…
They fought tooth and nail.

Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for divorce.
Lawyer: Are you married?
Wife: Yes, of course.
Lawyer: Then you have grounds.

What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?
An independent Clause.

Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the marijuana…
The judges have started issuing joint custody.

A divorce court judge said to the husband, “I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” he replied. “And every now and then, I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

Why did the cat get divorced?
He was a cheetah.

Getting a divorce is like getting a new phone: You keep telling people how great it is and trying to convince everybody to get one too.

Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.

Getting a divorce is like getting fired from a job you’ve hated for years.

What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.