The Ultimate Collection of Government Jokes.

Property tax is paying rent to the government.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

In Soviet Russia, the government regulates the pharmaceutical industry.
In America, the pharmaceutical industry regulates the government.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

Mafia: the same thing as the government, without all the pretense.

Government can't profit from self-sufficient people.

CLIMITARD /'klimit'tard/ NOUN: A PERSON THAT BELIEVES THE CLIMATE CAN BE CHANGED BY PAYING A TAX TO THE GOVERNMENT.

When the government says you don't need a gun buy two.

Remember, it's illegal to expose the illegal things the government does.

Liberty is the way.

End big government before it ends you.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

I don't just hate "the" government. I'm consistent. I hate government.

If government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

- Say government.
- Slavery.
- Same thing.

Licensing: when government takes away your right to do something and sells it back to you.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara desert, in 5 years, there'd be a shortage of sand.

Banks don't loan money, they loan debt, leveraged on the backs of the slaves, who are farmed by the government, and lovingly "tended" to by the education, prison and justice system.

The more trust in the government you have, the less knowledge of history you have.

"We investigated ourselves and found that we did nothing wrong"
~ The Government

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.

War is when your government tells you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is a government big enough to take away everything you have.

The difference between government and thieves is that thieves don't pretend they're helping you.

They convinced you that 'freedom' is giving 30-60% of your hard earned money to the government each year, just to stay out of jail.

Government: We injected you with poison.

Sheeple: Can I get my 5th booster now?!

Tyranny is that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry.

"I think we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious."
- Thomas Jefferson (1824)

Taxation transcends mere theft; it's government-sanctioned extortion, enforcing payment in a currency under their ultimate control, to fund global havoc, all because you happen to live in a certain area they decided they rule.

This injustice is beyond profound.

You hate the current government.

I HATE GOVERNMENT.

We are not the same.

Aliens invade: "EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE KILLED YOUR LEADERS, DESTROYED YOUR ECONOMY, AND ARE HERE TO TAKE OVER YOUR GOVERNMENT"

Humans: "oh thank god"

Aliens: "wait what?"

Keep government small and people free!

Libertarians are often accused of being utopian, but nothing is more utopian than the idea that government will limit itself.

Government is the entertainment division of the military-industrial complex

The government hates us all. Especially people that speak the truth.

The government is a huge Mafia that launders your tax money right back to themselves through foreign aid and endless wars.

Remember, it's illegal to expose the illegal things the government does.

Next time you hear something described as "Government-funded" remember that the government is 100% taxpayer-funded.

I emailed myself a copy of the constitution and bill of rights so the US Government could read it.

People who think their government cares about them probably think strippers love them too.

"The best way to get rid of government waste is to stop giving it money."
- Ron Paul

"Libertarians: Keeping the government out of your bedroom and out of your wallet."
- Unknown

Asking government to fix government is like asking cancer to cure cancer.

If government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

I trust the government to lie about everything.

The government no longer needs the police to enforce tyrannical rules because brainwashed people have assumed that role themselves.

We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the press destroys information, religion destroys morals, and our banks destroy the economy.

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.

"Propaganda is the executive arm of the invisible government."
~ Edward Bernays

Socialists say “publicly owned”. What they mean is “State controlled”.

Socialists say “Government aid”. What they mean is “taxpayers' aid”.

Socialists say “social justice”. What they mean is “selective justice”.

Socialists say “equality”. What they mean is “levelling down”.

Why do they twist the truth like this? Because they dare not spell out the Socialist reality.

M.T.

The government pays Chuck Norris taxes.

In a Libertarian society...

You choose your weaponry.

You choose your medical care.

You choose your education program.

You even choose your preferred form of money.

And there isn't squat the government can do about it.

The people who think government cares about them are the same ones who believe the stripper loves them.

Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition!