Hilarious Wedding Jokes to Keep the Celebration Rolling.

First, the Engagement Ring, the Wedding Ring and then the Suffering.

We had trouble with our wedding photos, my wife insisted she be in them.

I can't wait to walk down the aisle again one day... and hear those magical words...

"This is your Captain speaking..."

You need at least 1 witness to prove a murder and a minimum of 2 to register a marriage.
So which is more dangerous?

I just got married, at the reception the new wife asked the DJ to play “I still haven’t found what I am looking for” by U2
Should I be worried?

Bride on her wedding night says to her hubby "I must confess I was a hooker"
He says "Thats ok. Your past is your past but I must admit I find it quite erotic, tell me about it".

She says "My name was Dave & I played for Wigan Warriors"

A bee and an astronomer got married. Straight after the wedding they went on their honeymoon.

What do rabbits do after they get married?
Go on a bunny-moon!

Went to a Cannibal wedding on Saturday.
It was all going well...
until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.

" If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. "
~ Anton Chekhov

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

My daughter wants to marry our mailman but my wife wont letter.

Getting married put an end to my aspirations for a bachelors degree.

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

What's the longest sentence known to man?
I do.

Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?"

Me: "Can't say I do."

Therapist: "That's one of them!"

Two cans of paint got married .Not too long thereafter the bride whispered ecstatically to the groom " Darling ,I think I'm pigment ".

Was banned from every football ground in the country for 12 months yesterday...

I forgot my wedding anniversary...

Nutritionists have confirmed that a well known food reduces women's sex drive by 95%.
It's called "wedding cake"

Sadly, after my friend's accident, he's now housebound.

He's got his finger trapped in a wedding ring.

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave.

The bride wept, the bridesmaids cried - and even the wedding cake was in tiers.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “RINGS” : The Engagement Ring The Wedding Ring The Suffering The Enduring.

Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. —Rita Rudner

Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot.

I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage.

Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye opener.

Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: “Yes dear”.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.