Dive into Hilarity with Top Political Humor.
In politics, honesty is like a rare unicorn – everyone talks about it, but no one actually believes it exists.
Add a touch of sweetness to the bitter political discourse.
What did socialists use before candles?
... Electricity
How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!
Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.
The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"
The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."
A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.
"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.
"No, we're mostly left."
Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs?
In a communest.
How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.
Why did the socialist drop out of high school math?
Because there were too many damn inequalities.
So I asked my cat who his favorite socialist was.
He just looked at me and said Mao.
I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...
... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets.
"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "
Don't you mean social drinker?"
"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."
Child: When I grow up I want to be a socialist.
Parent: You can’t do both.
Volodymyr Zelenskyy is a backwards politician.
Most act like heroes to get elected and become comedians while in office.
Why is Putin in such a hurry to get into Ukraine?
Because he's always Russian.
“Do not underestimate Joe’s ability to fuck things up”
- Barack Obama
q: why did the U.S. Bobsled team name there sled Biden?
a: because nothing has taken America downhill faster!
Because sometimes a good joke is the only thing that can make politics seem bearable!
Prince Charles wanted to name his first son Upton.
Apparently he thought it would be cool to sign their Christmas cards "Up, Chuck, and Di"
"NEWS FLASH"....Cell phones no longer work in Afghanistan because of the telliban.....
FUN Fact:
In 1984, New Zealand's Prime Minister Robert Muldoon got drunk and spontaneously called for a general election - he lost.
A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done!
I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
Girls who talks about girls problems are great. But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
The World Governments convinced the healthy they were sick.
Next stop,
To convince the World they'll own nothing and be happy.
There's a reason they call some things Govern-mental.
If you ever get lost in the woods-start talking religion or politics. Someone will show up to argue with you!
People who try to destroy the country and fail are called traitors and the ones who succeed? They're called politicians.
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay? Because they can only mandate.
Holiday Special !
Free bungee jumps to any politician.
No strings attached.
Just washed my Hair with Johnson's Shampoo.
Boris was Livid.
The saying of a former vice-president is known as an AlGorithm.
Even amidst the chaos of politics, humor can be found.
Q: How did Barack propose to Michelle?
A: He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be Obamaself."
Just bought a second hand Photocopier from the Taliban.
It's pretty good at blowing stuff up.
You're not capitalist. You're a wage slave with Stockholm syndrome.
I tried out for the lead in a play about Cuba and earned the understudy role. I turned it down. I refuse to play second Fidel.
What do you call a communist doing yoga?
Stretch Marx.
How do you donate money to Taliban ?
Just pay taxes in the USA.
What do you get when you ask a politician to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Three different answers.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?
A bird can still tweet.
“Wouldn't it be cool if Benjamin Netanyahu's email address
was BenjaminNET@yahoo?“
It's easy to be a communist in a free country; the difficulty lies in being free in a communist country.
If he's ousted as Prime Minister of Israel, Bibi could take up a new hobby and be known as Knittin-yahu....
What do you call a bee that works for the government.
A pollentician.
Suicide is illegal because it’s destruction of government property.
If Ukraine your neck hard enough, you may just be able to look over the Russian border.
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Perfect for political junkies and anyone who loves a good laugh!
ISIS captured Fidel Castro's proctologist because he had been infidel.
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped
over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over
you, but I'm blind and can't see.'
'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was
my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't
see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'
'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've
never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft,
and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and
a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'
The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind
of animal are you?'
The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to
examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well,
what kind of an animal am I?'
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold,
you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must be a POLITICIAN"
What does Trump's security tell him when he is attacked?
Donald, Duck.
Have you heard the conspiracy about Russian allotments? It's all just a communist plot.
Prince Charles went to the doctor's...
He said, "When I clear my throat, I smell of farts."
The doctor said, "D'you cough wind, sir?"
He said, "No, I'm Prince of Wales."
Are members of the House of Lords susceptible to peer pressure?
Paul McCartney has been asked to improve the Syrian President's skimpy underwear.
Take Assad's thong and make it better.
Never accept tea offered by the Russian President.
You don't know what Vladimir Putin.
Men Are From Mars :
Women Are From Venus :
Politicians Are from Uranus ...
Where did Saddam Hussein keep his CDs?
In Iraq 👊
In democracy your vote counts.
But in feudalism, your Count votes.
What happens if you give a politician viagra??
He gets taller.
One of the lesser known Winston conversations.
Winston walks into the gents in the Houses of Parliament, sees Clement Attlee at the urinal and walks to the furthest urinal away from Attlee.
Attlee says’ feeling standoffish today Winston’?
Winston replies ‘not at all, but you buggers see anything of any size and you want to Nationalise it’!
Imagine Barack Obama meeting Former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak.
"Barack, Mubarak."
"Mubarak, Barack."
Why did Karl Marx like herbal tea. Because proper tea is theft.