Unleash Your Laughter with Rib-Tickling Political Jokes!

My father once asked me if I knew the difference between heaven and hell…
“In heaven” he said, “the Italians make the food and the British run the government”

He then paused and said, “In hell, the British make the food and the Italians run the government”

In a nuclear war, they say the only thing to survive will be cockroaches.
Which means most countries will still have functioning governments.

What can the coronavirus do that the us government can't?
Stop school shootings.

Why do politicians, bankers and mafia bosses like to play golf?
Because you can play that in handcuffs too.

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.
One of them is organised.

If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism
... then I probably wouldn't be complaining about capitalism.

Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea.
Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.

What's the difference between Communism and Capitalism?
In Communism the government owns and runs and collects everything.
In Capitalism you own and run things and the government collects it for you.

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.
Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

I hate capitalism, so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism
... then I probably wouldn’t be complaining about capitalism.

What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.

How do you know if someone is a socialist?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What do you call a socialist who's into fashion?
Commie Hilfiger.

What do you call a funny person who is a socialist?
A commie-dian.

Why did the socialist drop out of school?
He was really struggling with the classes.
Getting really low Marx.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

Why are socialist school teachers so disorganized?
Because they love to see the class struggle.

I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.
I got top Marx.

What did the socialist say to the fisherman?
Sea's the means of production.

What did socialists use before candles?
... Electricity

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.
The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"
The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."

A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.
"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.
"No, we're mostly left."

Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs?
In a communest.

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

Why did the socialist drop out of high school math?
Because there were too many damn inequalities.

So I asked my cat who his favorite socialist was.
He just looked at me and said Mao.

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...
... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets.

"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "
Don't you mean social drinker?"
"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."

Child: When I grow up I want to be a socialist.
Parent: You can’t do both.

Volodymyr Zelenskyy is a backwards politician.

Most act like heroes to get elected and become comedians while in office.

Why is Putin in such a hurry to get into Ukraine?

Because he's always Russian.

“Do not underestimate Joe’s ability to fuck things up”

- Barack Obama

q: why did the U.S. Bobsled team name there sled Biden?

a: because nothing has taken America downhill faster!

Prince Charles wanted to name his first son Upton.

Apparently he thought it would be cool to sign their Christmas cards "Up, Chuck, and Di"

"NEWS FLASH"....Cell phones no longer work in Afghanistan because of the telliban.....

FUN Fact:
In 1984, New Zealand's Prime Minister Robert Muldoon got drunk and spontaneously called for a general election - he lost.

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done!

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...
I was just sitting there doing nothing.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

Girls who talks about girls problems are great. But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

The World Governments convinced the healthy they were sick.

Next stop,

To convince the World they'll own nothing and be happy.

There's a reason they call some things Govern-mental.

If you ever get lost in the woods-start talking religion or politics. Someone will show up to argue with you!

People who try to destroy the country and fail are called traitors and the ones who succeed? They're called politicians.

Why are most politicians in the closet or gay? Because they can only mandate.

Holiday Special !
Free bungee jumps to any politician.
No strings attached.

Just washed my Hair with Johnson's Shampoo.
Boris was Livid.

The saying of a former vice-president is known as an AlGorithm.

Q: How did Barack propose to Michelle?
A: He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be Obamaself."

Just bought a second hand Photocopier from the Taliban.
It's pretty good at blowing stuff up.

You're not capitalist. You're a wage slave with Stockholm syndrome.

I tried out for the lead in a play about Cuba and earned the understudy role. I turned it down. I refuse to play second Fidel.

What do you call a communist doing yoga?
Stretch Marx.

How do you donate money to Taliban ?
Just pay taxes in the USA.

What do you get when you ask a politician to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Three different answers.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

“Wouldn't it be cool if Benjamin Netanyahu's email address
was BenjaminNET@yahoo?“

It's easy to be a communist in a free country; the difficulty lies in being free in a communist country.