Random NEW YEAR joke:
Happy New Year!
(I know it's early, but I suffer from premature congratulation)
Selected NEW YEAR jokes:
The wife asked me if I'd like to see her in something long and flowing on New Year's Eve.
I said, "The Thames would be nice."
My new year’s resolution is to stop using spray on deodorant.
Roll on 2022.
I still don't know what I'm wearing to the living room for New Years Eve.
To be honest,
I might not even go.
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was.
She replied “Screw you!”
So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
More NEW YEAR jokes...
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
A guy walks into a bar on New Year's Eve and orders a glass of champagne. "Happy New Years!" he shouts. "Calm down," the bartender reprimands him. "It's still hours away." "Sorry," the guy apologizes. "My doctor told me I sometimes suffer from premature congratulations."
A guy wakes up on New Year's with a hangover and partial blackout.
He says to his wife, "Jesus, I can't even remember where we were last night. I keep thinking that there was a golden toilet bowl."
His wife says, "We were at the Johnson's. And Bill's pretty upset that you shit in his tuba."
My New Years resolution is to give up sexual innuendos.
Which is going to be extremely hard.
What was Dr. Frankenstein’s new year’s resolution? To make new friends.
The good news is my new years weight loss plans are going great, the bad news is cocaine is expensive.
s,ɹɐǝ⅄ ʍǝN
- New Year's Revolution
If anyone needs a New Year’s resolution, I can loan you one from the long list my wife gave me.
I was about to cancel my New Year’s Eve plans when I remembered that I didn’t have any.
Being old on New Year’s Eve:
“Alexa set an alarm for 11:59 PM.”
My new year’s resolution is to stop using spray on deodorant.
Roll on 2022.
Remember to poop before midnight
tomorrow.
You don't want to be carrying the
same shit into the New year.
I still don't know what I'm wearing to the living room for New Years Eve.
To be honest,
I might not even go.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year's Eve—it's December 31.
🎅 People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.🤣
Did you hear of the New Year's Eve Cantata that ended with a soprano solo?
They wanted to end the year on a high note.
My new years resolution is to stop using spray deodorant, roll on next year.
My New Years Resolution is To have a lot more Sex.
Haven't told the Wife though, don't want her Spoiling It.
Knowing there would be lots of kissing on New Years Eve, I decided to shave off the moustache.
Unfortunately she woke up when I sprayed the shaving foam on her face!
The wife asked me if I'd like to see her in something long and flowing on New Year's Eve.
I said, "The Thames would be nice."
Happy New Year!
(I know it's early, but I suffer from premature congratulation)
I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution....
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Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was.
She replied “Screw you!”
So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
On New Year’s Eve, Chuck Norris promised that he’d lose 20 pounds. The next morning he shaved his chest and smiled as he realized that he’d lost 30.
Already chosen my new year's resolution
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My new year’s resolution was to get in shape.
I chose round.