Hilarious Christmas Jokes: Spreading Festive Cheer with Laughter

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

- What did Frosty’s girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
- The cold shoulder.

- What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
- Claustrophobic.

- What do you call an old snowman?
- Water.

The Christmas jumper my kids gave me last year kept picking up static electricity.
I took it back and exchanged it for another one – free of charge.

- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
- Frostbite.

- What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
- He gives them the sack.

I got a Christmas card full of rice in the post today.
I think it was from my Uncle Ben.

- Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
- They’re always dropping their needles.

- I have this incredible ability to predict what’s inside a wrapped present.
- It’s a gift.

- What is one of the best Christmas presents that you can give and receive?
- A broken drum.
- Why?
- Because you can’t beat it!

- Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas?
- Because they enjoy wrapping.

- Why was the snowman embarrassed when he was spotted rummaging through a bag of carrots?
- He was caught picking his nose.

- How did the bauble know that she was addicted to Christmas?
- She’d been hooked on Christmas trees all her life.

A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee.
“A sore knee?” the doctor said. “Have you tried icing it?”

What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
“Get out of my face.”

- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
- Nothing – it was on the house.

- Why is Santa always grouchy?
- He only cums once a year!