Girlfriend and Boyfriend Jokes to Enjoy Together.

Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?
A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

My girlfriend poked me in the eye.
I stopped seeing her after a while.

My gf and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"
"That's nothing!" I said
. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."

My girlfriend assures me that size doesn't matter,
but all of her dildos look like they're missing a lamp shade.

Do I want a boyfriend or do I just want someone around to brush the snow off my car?

My girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I have a fetish for feet.
I think maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.

My girlfriend poked me in the eye.
I stopped seeing her after a while.

Before my girlfriend and i made love for the first time, she said, "i want this night to be magical" so after we made love i disappeared.

I had a girlfriend that left me because I'm so arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in!

My girlfriend and I complement each other perfectly. I like to travel, and she doesn’t want me around.

Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."

your girlfriend is like the square root of -100...

A solid 10 but imaginary.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she broke up with me before we met.

I thought I won the argument with my partner about how to arrange the furniture.
When I got home, the tables had turned.

My girlfriend wrote on a balloon,
“When are you going to propose to me?”

I immediately popped the question.

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I...

...also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he’s a keeper.

My girlfriend said we should stop seeing each other, so I’ve taken the hint and bought us blindfolds for Christmas.

A vampire split up with his girlfriend after she had a blood test. She wasn't his type.

Think my friend's new girlfriend is a keeper. She's got a pair of goalie gloves.

Me: Where do you want to eat?
Her: Wherever you pick is fine.
Narrator: Wherever he picked was not fine.

My girlfriend said I smell. I said "Of course I do, it's one of my 5 senses."

I used to go out with a girl who’s left eye was missing.
She was a right looker...

My girlfriend said she needs time and space. I think she's calculating velocity. She's so smart.

My girlfriend threatened to leave me due to my obsession with Monopoly. I've asked her for one more chance.

My girlfriend asked me "if you were stranded on a desert island who would you most like to be with?" "My friend George" "Why?" "Because he's got a boat"

My girlfriend and I met each other while running the London Marathon last year.
It was a long-distance relationship.

My boyfriend got bit in the forehead by a bee, he’s in the ER now. His face is all swollen and badly bruised. Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel!!!

“My girl lives in a town named Ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous? Isn’t that silly?”
“No, it’s Ridiculous.”

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”.

“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”

“What was your first impression on him?”

“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Girl: asshole...
Boy: I've been called worse before.
Girl: Ha, like what? Boy: you're boyfriend.

Girlfriend: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me.. Boyfriend: What a joke? Okay then, let's start with Kisses!"

Boyfriend: Amazing world, only 25% boys have common sense, very short figure!
Girlfriend: What about Rest?
Boyfriend: Well rest have GIRLFRIENDS!

Boyfriend: "Life's a bitch, just like you."
Girlfriend: "Actually life is short, just like your dick."

Boyfriend: Dear do you know that exams are like girlfriend?
Girlfriend: How funny?
Boyfriend: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful.

My boyfriend is like my iPhone. I don't have one.

Q: How does a boyfriend show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys an extra case of beer.

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?
A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

Q: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?
A: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q: What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?
A: They're always coming early.

Q: How do boyfriends exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q: How many ex-boyfriends does it take to tile a bathroom?
A: Two - if you slice them very thinly.

Do you know how to tell if your boyfriend is geting fat?
He can wear your husbands clothes...

Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?
A: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

Q: Why are Boyfriends like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are already taken!

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?
A: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!