Ex-boyfriend and Ex-girlfriend Jokes !

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!

My ex-girlfriend's so lazy, she won't even use her whole hand when she waves at me in the street.
She just uses her middle finger.

My ex girlfriend had a role playing fetish. She liked to dress up as herself, and act like
a fucking bitch.

Once in a while send "I miss you babe" to your ex just to interrupt the healing process...

My Ex-Girlfriend was a keen Cyclist.
I used to follow her everywhere in the Car.
In the end we broke up because I wasn't giving her enough space.

My ex asked me how my life was.
Nothing but my passwords have changed.

My Ex-Girlfriend was heavily into Feng Shui and always had to decorate each room herself.
But since she moved out the Tables have turned.

I can't believe what a lucky guy I am...
First I win the lottery and then my ex wife calls to say she wants us to get back together.

My ex gf was so thin, she only weighed about ninety pounds, I had to buy a single bed so I could sleep next to her.

I was having a big argument with my ex and she said.....Well your friends Dave and Chris both want to date me, I wonder who will be the lucky one..
I said, well I think you will end up with Chris, so clearly Dave will be the lucky one.

My ex has 3 spirit animals.
Lion, Ass, Cheetah.

Although me and my Ex-Wife got divorced, we still live on the Goat Farm together.
It's important to stay together for the Kids.

I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

Your ex told me you remind her of her Christmas tree...
Your balls are only there for decoration purposes!

I took out my ex today!
Being a sniper is amazing.

How does a pirate greet his ex wife?
Ahore.

What does a gamer call his ex-wife’s vagina?
His ex-box.

After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won’t admit she framed me.

My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.

My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night.
So nice of her to save me the gas money.

What’s the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?
Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.

Im not saying my ex girlfriend was fat.
But all my thoughts revolve around her.

How long does it take my ex wife to screw in a light bulb?
Ha! My ex screwing, that’s a good one.

A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.
“I had sex with another woman last night,” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time.”

“You miss me that much?” she asks.

“No,” he says. “But it kept me from cumming too fast.

I told my ex to join the anti-vax community.
Clearly, he needs to be surrounding by other people who don’t last long.

Guess who just got 17 missed calls from their ex...
my ex.

My ex-wife was a great housekeeper.
She kept the house.

My ex was really good at blowjobs.
Just a pity I found out from my friends.

I'm not saying my ex is fat...
But my memory foam mattress took a year to forget her.

My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.

Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex’s perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.

My Ex texted me this morning
"Wish you were here"
He always does that when he walks through a cemetery.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex’s, so I was completely alone.