Random quote/joke about LIFE:
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
Unveiling Truths, Nurturing Minds, Inspiring Wisdom.
- Updated:
2026-02-18.
Selected LIFE quotes/jokes:
Please God take me back to being 12 and let me start again and mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
Q: What do protons and life coaches have in common?
A: They know how to stay positive.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
More LIFE quotes/jokes...
The son of the absurdly rich oil magnate had lived his entire life in extreme prosperity. His father did not want him to be too spoiled. So when the son went to the US for university, he decided that he would be driven by their chauffeur in a Tesla.
After the son had been in the USA for a month, the great El-Ali received his first letter from his son: "This place is lovely, the people are nice, the teachers are magnificent and I have never had so many friends. However, there is one thing that is somewhat embarrassing to me. While everyone of my friends arrive at Uni by train, I'm being driven in a Tesla."
The son promptly received his response: "Dear beloved son, I'm happy that you are thriving and I look forward to seeing your friends. Your mother and I will soon visit, and we have discussed this 'embarrassing' situation. No son of the great El-Ali should feel embarrassed amongst his friends. Tell me what kind of train your friends are riding and I shall buy you one!"
Two men are sitting next to each other on a bus.
They both have a black eye.
One man asks “how’d you get get yours?”
“Oh man, I've never been more embarrassed. I went to order two bus tickets to Pittsburgh and the ticket lady had the biggest boobs i've ever seen! I tried to say "Can i please have two tickets to Pittsburgh," but I was so nervous I accidentally said 'Can I please have two Pickets to Tittsburgh?"
How’d you get your shiner?”
The other replies, “ Funny story, just this morning I meant to say to my wife "Honey, please pass the salt" But what came out was "You ruined my life you fat evil bitch!"
How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.