Hilarious quotes and jokes about LIFE that will make your day !

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
After a few minutes the bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"

Sometimes when I have my life together, I sit back and think to myself "Now, that was a great 45 seconds."

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved — loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."

~ Victor Hugo

Life is like chess.
You can never find a mate.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.