Random quote/joke about LIFE:
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
After a few minutes the bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"
Unveiling Truths, Nurturing Minds, Inspiring Wisdom.
- Updated:
2026-09-20.
Selected LIFE quotes/jokes:
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.
I bought a box of Viagra teabags last night.
They do nothing for your sex life but they do stop your biscuit going soft when you dunk it.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact:
"Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"
"Is that you, Frank?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course" I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona ."
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards”
~ Søren Kierkegaard
More LIFE quotes/jokes...
How is life like toilet paper? 🧻
You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
The son of the absurdly rich oil magnate had lived his entire life in extreme prosperity. His father did not want him to be too spoiled. So when the son went to the US for university, he decided that he would be driven by their chauffeur in a Tesla.
After the son had been in the USA for a month, the great El-Ali received his first letter from his son: "This place is lovely, the people are nice, the teachers are magnificent and I have never had so many friends. However, there is one thing that is somewhat embarrassing to me. While everyone of my friends arrive at Uni by train, I'm being driven in a Tesla."
The son promptly received his response: "Dear beloved son, I'm happy that you are thriving and I look forward to seeing your friends. Your mother and I will soon visit, and we have discussed this 'embarrassing' situation. No son of the great El-Ali should feel embarrassed amongst his friends. Tell me what kind of train your friends are riding and I shall buy you one!"
Two men are sitting next to each other on a bus.
They both have a black eye.
One man asks “how’d you get get yours?”
“Oh man, I've never been more embarrassed. I went to order two bus tickets to Pittsburgh and the ticket lady had the biggest boobs i've ever seen! I tried to say "Can i please have two tickets to Pittsburgh," but I was so nervous I accidentally said 'Can I please have two Pickets to Tittsburgh?"
How’d you get your shiner?”
The other replies, “ Funny story, just this morning I meant to say to my wife "Honey, please pass the salt" But what came out was "You ruined my life you fat evil bitch!"
How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.