Hilarious quotes and jokes about LIFE that will make your day !

Random quote/joke about LIFE:

Buy your son a 300 piece tool kit for his 15th birthday.
Steal the 10mm socket.
He needs to learn that the struggle is real.
Follow me for more life lessons.

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Unveiling Truths, Nurturing Minds, Inspiring Wisdom.
- Updated: 2024-07-20.

Selected LIFE quotes/jokes:

Doctor said that i have 2 months to live,so I killed the doctor. Now the judge gave me 20 years of life in prison.

All his life Karl Marx only drank lemon tea.
He considered all Proper-tea to be theft.

Life tip:

No matter how much you liked the soap - NEVER get caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.

Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight its because you are drunk.

More LIFE quotes/jokes...

Life is a single player game.

Life tip:The best time to search for a job is when you already have one.

Life tip: It's not a discount if you otherwise wouldn't have bought it.

The meaning of life is to keep yourself busy with unnecessary shit until you are dead forever.

Life is ultimately just a 'try-not-to-die' challenge set on impossible difficulty.

Your whole life is spent gathering people for your funeral.

My sex-life is like Coca Cola....

...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!

The biggest scam in life is paying taxes on the money we make, paying taxes on money we spend, and taxes on things we own, that we already paid taxes on, with already taxed money.

Life Coach: “After a hot bath, drink a glass of chardonnay.”

Client: “But I’ll never finish drinking the bath …”

Life is like a movie so make sure you pick up good songs for the soundtrack.

LIFE HACKS/2023 Edition
1. If Bill Gates is involved, avoid it.
2. If Biden says it's true, it's false.
3. If the CDC, FDA say it's safe, it's dangerous.
4. If congress makes a law to help you, it will eventually hurt you.
5. If the media agrees, it's a lie.

In my life I like to prioritise procrastination.

72 virgins in Islam.
“Promising pussy in the afterlife is the lowest thing I ever heard in my life”.

~ Bill Maher


"Stay positive and keep smiling”
Unless you are a coder.
Then it's “stay caffeinated and keep debugging while questioning your life choices.”

Life is like a box of chocolates. more expensive than i was expecting.

Forgive your parents for their mistakes, it's their first time living life too.

Life is too short to be so stressed.

Your love life is like Sudoku. Very complicated, with no hope of solving it.

Leibniz be like: when life gives you lemons, make le monad.

Teach us to realize the brevity of life so that we may grow in wisdom.
Psalm 90:12

The biggest scam in life is paying taxes on the money we make, paying taxes on money we spend, and taxes on things we own, that we already paid taxes on, with already taxed money.

“Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor, nor should life rest on a single hope.”

This chapter of my life is called 'at least the rent is paid'.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people's eyes.

Why not? Life is short.

Fact: Ten out of ten people die. Don't take life too seriously.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.

I’m not saying that I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile.

Teacher. "What's the longest sentence you can think of?"
Me. "Life imprisonment. "

No matter how hard your life is, don't like your own post.

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
Ron White

Life is a long process of getting tired.
– Samuel Butler

Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

“The Life and Times of Ivan Pavlov” by Isabelle Ringing

Ars longa, vita brevis.

Art is long, life is short.

There are countless more important things in life than money — if you have enough money.

"In truth, all life is sorrowful. Whoever understands this, understands life."
- The First Noble Truth, Buddhism

Life advice: Make better decisions.

If life is a highway, then why am I stuck in traffic?

Dentist: Ok, let's get you numb.

Me: Life has already done that.

Life is too short to hold onto things that no longer serve you.

Do I love my coworkers? No.

But are they really good at their job and make my life easier at work? Also no.

Remember, when life gives you lemons, they are considered taxable income.

Life hack: Never, ever open a package that is buzzing and the exact size and shape of a swarm of bees.

My love life is like a game of minesweeper

I ignore a bunch of red flags and it always blows up in my face.

Life tip:
Double the life of your phone battery,
put the fuckin' thing DOWN....

You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.

More life quotes and jokes on the following pages...

SEE also - WiseWords Unbound - The Paradoxical Path to Enlightenment:

Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride of wit, wisdom, and the occasional facepalm-inducing pun. Get ready to laugh, learn, and question the meaning of life, all in one hilarious package!