Hilarious quotes and jokes about SUCCESS that will make your day !

If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.

I’ve just been informed that my application to be a quicksand rescue officer was successful

It hasn’t quite sunk in yet ..

I was in a band in the 90's called "Homeopathy"
We were a bit like Placebo but not as good.
Once we played at a festival, a bit unsuccessful because most of the crowd left to see the Cure instead.

When my Dad was unemployed he used to hide money in the bushes in our garden...

He went on to become a successful hedge fund manager.

Fact: There have never been any successful jokes about the Jonestown Massacre. It's because the punch line is always too long.

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic". Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as: Sinko de Mayo!

Will glass coffins be a success?

💀

Remains to be seen.