Hilarious jokes about CLUBs that will make your day !

Random club joke:


I was going to join the apathy club but couldn't be bothered.

Club Jokes meme.
Club Jokes meme.

Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated: 2024-07-22.




Selected club jokes:


The first rule of no doubt club is don’t speak.


I said to my mate, "I was at a club last night and I got 3 phone numbers."

He said, "That's good!"

I said, "Not really. She wouldn't give me the other fuckin 8 numbers !!."


If you own a strip club in Poland, you have to polish your Polish pole with Polish pole polish.


A friend of mine opened up a new strip club called the G-Spot. He had to close a week later because most men couldn't find it.



More club jokes...


The first rule of no doubt club is don’t speak.


I’ve just robbed the local snooker club in broad daylight. Took a lot of balls.


If you own a strip club in Poland, you have to polish your Polish pole with Polish pole polish.


The first rule of Wank Club is:

Never shake hands , with another member of Wank Club.


A friend of mine opened up a new strip club called the G-Spot. He had to close a week later because most men couldn't find it.


What's the difference between a waitress at a strip club and a stripper?
About 2 weeks.


I was going to join the apathy club but couldn't be bothered.


I opened a club for premature ejaculators.
It didn't last long.


I ran into a dance club for people with back problems.
It was called the Slipped Disco.


I was at my local tennis club today and a young man came up to me and said "I'm a ball boy"
I said "Are you? I'm more of a tit man myself but whatever floats your boat!"


The First Rule of Introvert Club is...
Don’t speak.


The Feds have just raided a tennis club used as a front for a large Mafia organisation.
No doubt they'll be charged with racquet-eering.


The president of the Scrabble club got married. It was arranged.


—¿Es aquí el club de los enteradillos?
—Sí.
—Ya lo sabía.


Won a prize in the local time travel club raffle. Two tickets to the 1966 World Cup final.


ATTENTION ATTENTION.
The local Procrastinator’s Club meeting has been postponed for tonight. Probably won’t happen tomorrow either. Maybe the day after tomorrow but don’t hold your breath about that. We’re still looking for a meeting place.


I’ve just robbed the local snooker club in broad daylight. Took a lot of balls.


The first rule of repetition club is: the first rule of repitition club.


I got thrown out of Mime Club yesterday...

It must have been something I said.


Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club whenever he damn well pleases!


The rules of the superglue club are very strict, but everyone adheres to them.


A man goes to a strip club with an alligator. He says, "I bet you that I can put my dick into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his dick into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a beer bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his dick is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."


I went to a club that didn’t play 70’s music… At first I was afraid, I was petrified!


Just emailed my application into the Local Lonely Hearts Club with a recent photo and they've returned it all saying .........
' We're not that fuckin lonely ' !!!!


The first rule of passive aggressive fight club is...

Actually don’t worry about it, it’s fine...


The first rule of Wank Club is, never shake hands with another member of Wank Club.


I said to my mate, "I was at a club last night and I got 3 phone numbers."

He said, "That's good!"

I said, "Not really. She wouldn't give me the other fuckin 8 numbers !!."


I just joined the Viagra Club and I’m already a member in good standing.


The first rule of Condescending Club is complex and I don't think you'd understand even if I explained it to you.


The first rule of Passive/Aggressive Club is...you know what - never mind. It's fine...


Would a book club in prison be called prose and cons?


I went to a comedy club the other night and a pig was performing.
Honestly, he was a total boar.


Won a prize in the local time travel club raffle. Two tickets to the 1966 World Cup final.


The 1st rule of paradox club is to follow rule number 2.
The 2nd rule of paradox club is to not follow rule number 1.


A man goes to a strip club with an alligator. He says, "I bet you that I can put my dick into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his dick into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a beer bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his dick is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."




More club jokes on the following pages...


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