Dance Jokes: Keep the Groove Alive with Hilarious Laughter!

“I had to stop being a tap dancer. I kept falling into the sink.”

Why did the two knives go to the dance together? Because they both looked sharp.

I asked the woman at the Post Office if she keeps stationary?
She said: "Yeah! but when I get bored I like to dance around a bit!"

When does a farmer dance? When the beet drops.

A ballet dancer friend of mine recently had twins. He's now a pas de deux.

Why aren't dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!

Why don't worms have balls? Because they can't dance!!

Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers.
Most strippers have little or no coverage.

Even though I can't sing or dance I've been asked to join a Take That tribute act as Gary. Yeah, they've really set the bar low.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music.

Don't dance in Greece!!
I did once and kept slipping over!!

I went to a nightclub that was full of Orcs, Hobbits and Elves...

It was Mordor on the dancefloor...

My horse is a rubbish dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.

I learned to dance at an early age. We only had one bathroom.

Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.

Elvis = Lives
Madonna Louise Ciccone = One cool dance musician
Bart (as in Bart Simpson) = Brat
Paris = Pairs
San Diego = Diagnose

- What do cars do at the disco?
- Brake dance.

How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she blindfold him and takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, John! How ya doin?"
Once inside his wife removes the blindfold but she's puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says John. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the first nine, honey.
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
John's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
John tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him or someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez John, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Juicy Proverbs
● Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.
● Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
● Friends are like condoms; they protect you when things get hard.
● Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
● Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself.
● Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society; but always remember who laid them!
● Education is like hiring a prostitute, it needs both money & hard work.
● When the toilet paper of experience is depleted, the ass of reason goes un-wiped.
● Men play the game. Women know the score.
● Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!
● Guys are like roses, just watch out for the pricks
● College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in and nine months later you wish you'd never come.
● Whenever you feel low, depressed or useless, remember that you are the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.
● The girl who remembers her first kiss now has a daughter who can't even remember her first husband.
● Here is the definition of divorce, she gets the ring and the man gets the finger!
● See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
● Confucius say man who puts hand in bush is not always a gardener.
● A botany student has brought to our attention the fact that penis is the only thing that has to be grown before it is planted.

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TO MUCH:
1~ We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.
2~ We believe that dancing with our arms overhead,wiggling our butt while yelling woohoo! is truly the sexiest dance move around.
3~ In our last trip to pee,we realize that we now look like a homeless hooker then the goddess we were just 4 hours ago.
4~We start crying and telling everyone we see-that we love them so much.
5~ We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because "oh my god! I love that song!"
6~ We've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us.
7~ We yell at the bartender who we believe cheated us by giving us just juice.But that's because we can no longer taste the alcohol.
8~ We think we are in bed. But our pillow feels strangely like the bathroom floor or toilet or kitchen floor or mop.
9~ We fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when we sit on it.
10~ We take off our shoes because we believe it's their fault that were having issues walking straight.

If strippers are called exotic dancers then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacists.

Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm!

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet.
But only for like 20 seconds.
And only once.

Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
A: Snowballs. ⛄

Why didn't the skeleton go to the night club?
-
Cause he had no body to dance with.