Laugh Your Way Through Stardom.
Celebrities: the lucky few who work hard to be recognized, then wear sunglasses to avoid being recognized.
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2024-12-20.
1. Enjoy the lighter side of fame and entertainment.
Never ask Sean Connery to teach your dog to sit.
I stand behind Alec Baldwin
(standing in front of him sounds terrifying)
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
-Alec Baldwin
I call my kettle Jim Carey. Because he brews-all-my-tea...
People compare me to Chris Hemsworth. They say I look nothing like him.
What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish.
My remote automatically switches the channel to find Mission Impossible, Top Gun and Risky Business.
I guess it’s on Cruise control.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's black and runny?
Usain Bolt.
Miley Cyrus owns a Rocky Mountain vacation home.
It's located in Hannah, Montana.
Why is Billy Joel’s laundry still wet? He Didn’t Start The Dryer.
My wife often compares me to Ryan Gosling. She'll say "You're nothing like Ryan Gosling."
How did Steve Jobs compliment someone?
"You're the apple of my eye".
One time Mick Jagger called Kate, Carrie-Ann and Elisabeth for a meeting. It’s the only time a Rolling Stone gathered Moss.
What's the difference between Prince Andrew and R Kelly ?
About 12 million quid.
Shaquille O’Neal owns a firework manufacturing company in Anchorage. It’s called
BOOM SHAQ ALASKA.
2. Ah, the joy of celebrity jokes! Because what could be more satisfying than poking fun at individuals who have everything we could ever dream of?
Mark was born to early, and Shania too late. Alas, never the Twains shall meet.
Breaking: Prince Harry Gets Job at Bakery!
He’ll be a ginger bread man.
I've heard that Stevie Wonder doesn't look well .
Whitney Houston was a marriage counselor before becoming a singer.
Her clients would greet her by saying, "Houston, we have a problem!"
Why wouldn’t Amber Heard’s car turn on? There was no battery.
Here's what I don't get from the Johnny Depp trial. What was it exactly that Amber heard?
Well if Elvis wasn’t a cannibal then explain “Love Me Tender.”.
I may look normal but I unfollow celebrities when they don't follow back.
Have you met Post Malone's introvert brother?
Leave M'Alone.
These Amber Heard jokes were funny at first until shit hit the fan.
How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
Wi Jammin.
What did Elton John say to the boy's father?
"Don't let your son go down on me".
They are going to remake The Wizard of Oz only this time starring Sylvester Stallone. Its called Somewhere over the Rambo.
Alec Baldwin's wife is pregnant again with their 7th child. Dude never fires blanks.
There can be 100 people in a room.
99 won't slap you, but one Will.
3. Dive into the world of entertainment and find humor in the glitz and glamor!
Me: Isn't it ironic?
Alanis Morissette: what is?
Me: well, you oughta know....
Cat Stevens was dropped by his record label several times but always landed on his feet.
I used to work for Jim Henson but had to quit... I was surrounded by muppets...
What does Jeff Bezos do before bed?
He puts his pyjamazon.
FUN Fact:
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
FUN Fact:
Brad Pitt is related to Barack Obama. They are ninth cousins.
Mick Jagger has formed a new band which only play songs inspired by Harry Potter. They’re called The Rowling Stones.
I once accidentally bumped into Bono. He got angry and said: Don’t push me coz I’m close to the Edge.
Novac Djokovic is the first player to be knocked out of a grand slam tournament after missing only two shots.
Vin Diesel eats two meals a day:
1) Breakfast
2) Breakfurious
I call my kettle Jim Carey. Because he brews-all-my-tea...
What happens to Jason Momoa once he dies?
He becomes Jason Nomoa.
The only person who couldn't beat Kid Rock in a fight is probably Kid Scissors.
Elon Musk Announces Odd location for New Tesla Factory in the Country of........ Mad-at-gas-car.
Did you see Bruce Willis overdosed on Viagra?
He always said he’d Die Hard.
4. Get your daily dose of laughter and enjoy the lighter side of fame!
Influencers are celebrities who paparazzi themselves for a living.
Your bio says taken but your lack of Liam Neeson pictures tell me otherwise.
I have heard that famous people have many fans. I would rather have a decent silent air conditioning.
How does Sean Connery shave?
CTRL + S.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my constant celebrity name dropping...
David Beckham warned me that this might happen.
I'm married to Steffi Graff's sister,
Polly Graff.
I won't lie to you.
"I don't get the whole fuss about
Alec Baldwin...
He was just shooting
a movie" 🤭
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shellebrity.
Who is an apple’s favourite pop singer?
Katy Peary.
Kim Kardashian, explaining to her son, North, why she and Kanye are getting divorced:
“North, my relationship with West has finally gone south.”
Lisa Kudrow but she prefers to sail..
I was asked to sketch an actress so I Drew Barrymore.
So at the age of 74, Arnold Schwarzenegger is amazing in the new Terminator film.
The only difference is his catchphrase which has been changed to... "Arrhh me back!"
Don't forget the 'r' when you're Googling 'Movies of Gary Oldman'.
I know this now.
If the crew of Penelope Cruz and that of Tom Cruise go boating, would you say that Cruz and Cruise’s crews cruise together?