Hilarious Shopping Jokes !

I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers, but the lady behind the cash register keeps putting it back.

The shopping list is confusing.
Bacon, garlic, perfume, cigars, and flowers.
But it does make a lot of scents!

I always see more people walking into Walmart than out of Walmart... but the meat is cheap so I don't ask questions.

What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesy credit card? Go on a shopping brie.

I went to a seafood shop.
I pulled a muscle.

Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get the open a shop on it!

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day, tell you what, they saw me coming.

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
Ones made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.

Bought a new vacuum on Black Friday.
It sucks!

I used to go into shopping centres and rotate the body parts of the mannequins…I don’t think everyone noticed, but I certainly turned a few heads.

Never do bedroom shopping while drunk
It can lead to one nightstand.

Customer: May I try on that dress in the window, please?
Clerk: No, ma’am. You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.

They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry.
But it’s been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.

I saw a man with one arm shopping at a second hand store.
I told him “you’re not going to find what you’re looking for.”

Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year.

Gap has announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China. Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read, "Made Here."

What does a ghost do when he's hungry?
Go ghost-ry shopping.

Where do dogs go after their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.

Why did Michael Jackson go shopping at the mall?
He heard boys underwear was half off.

What do you call a mall security guard with a military background?
A Navy Wet Seal.

What was the horse looking for at the mall? A Macintosh.

What happens when a judge gets something to eat at the mall?
He places an "Order in the food court".

Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan? Because they are all Targets!

What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.

Why don't kittens like going to the mall?
They prefer a cat-alogue.