Hilarious Jokes about food, cooking, snacks, drinks and diet !

me: i just opened a steak restaurant

friend: well done

me: yah that’s one of the options

I made sushi at home for the first time. I substituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

It's so sad that the people who decide bread-size have never met the people who make toasters!

I don't care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.

I had mushrooms on toast this morning.
Breakfast of champignons...

An accused cannibal is trying to defend himself at court: “Your Honor, if it really is as they say, You are what you eat, then I must insist I am a perfectly innocent victim here!”

Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

I noticed that bread puns seem to be on the rise.

Any mushroom can be eaten. The trick is to find those mushrooms that can be eaten more than once.

What is a banana’s favorite gymnastic move?
The splits!

I stepped on a cornflake today! So I am a cereal killer now.

My book about peanuts made the Best Shellers list but not much money.

I went to get my hair cut yesterday, but there were so many in front of me. After an hour the manager started to hand out sausages and burgers as an apology for the long wait. It was the best barber queue ever.

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the fridge.

Today, I had a tuna sandwich called Samantha....

I went to an outdoor restaurant last night. It was a disaster. Pouring with rain. It took me almost 2 hours to finish my soup.

I’m developing a fear of sausages...

I fear the wurst.

Honeymoon salad recipe: lettuce alone, no dressing.

What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.

My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”

Two peanuts we’re walking down the street,
One was a salted.

- What cheese is made backwards
- Edam.

A grape falls off a vine and dries...
Everything happens for a raisin.

How come “you’re a peach” is a compliment, but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit to tear society apart?

All I’m Saying Is You Rarely See A Person Crying And Eating Pie At The Same Time.

Where did the spaghetti and the sauce go dancing? The meatball!

Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.

Life is like a box of chocolates; it ends sooner for fat people.

Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.

My girlfriend's such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.

Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it. And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.

Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frogs finger!

Q: "What do tofu and a dildo have in common?"
A: "They are both meat substitutes!"

Q: Why are men like coffee?
A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

Q: "What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?"
A: "I want you inside me!"

Q: Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
A: It was an Oscar Wiener.

Q: What did the Egg say to the boiling water?
A: It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!