Score Big Laughs with Unforgettable SPORTS Jokes.

I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. “How flexible are you?”, he asked. I said I can’t make Tuesdays.

Cant understand why skiing is so popular. Its been going downhill for years.

The key thing that stopped me being a water polo champion was that my horse couldn’t swim.

I haven't done sky diving yet, but I have zoomed into Google Maps really quickly a few times.

I beat a black belt at karate.
My next challenger is a green sock.

think i might wear two pairs of trousers next time i play golf, just in case i get a ‘hole in one’

I once did a tandem parachute jump!
I enjoyed it but the bike was a right mess...

Experts have confirmed that bowling is officially the quietest sport.
You can hear a pin drop, after all.

Last night, I saw this bloke sneaking around my garden wearing a rugby shirt, golfing slacks, tennis shoes and a pair of goalkeepers gloves.
"Hey, I shouted, what's your game?"

Ya gotta have a lot of balls to play golf like me!

Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on…

The key thing that stopped me being a water polo champion was that my horse couldn’t swim.

An untalented gymnast walks into a bar..

When it comes to choosing between weight lifting or cardio workouts, I always choose cardio. Cause it helps me in the long run.

I'll spare you from a bowling pun.

Yesterday I got on the Treadmill for 45 minutes.
Today I switched it on and set it running.
Tomorrow I’ll do both 🏃🏼‍♂️🏃🏼‍♂️🏃🏼‍♂️🏃🏼‍♂️.

Why can athletes lift more than prisoners?

Because the pros outweigh the cons.

Why did the football pitch become a triangle ?

Because someone took a corner !

I've never really fancied trying the bobsleigh but I'd probably have a go if pushed...

A friend of mine had a very successful round of golf, then went to let the dentist have a look at his teeth. He got a hole in one.

Endless love - when Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder play tennis.

For Sale ... Tennis ball machine £100

Had it for over a year now and has served me well.

Why is golf a great spor? It's a great SPOR because there is a tee off )

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not fit enough to do it, you’ve got a long walk home.

Why is Cinderella rubbish at football? Her coach was a pumpkin.

I've made a website for depressed tennis players...
Servers are currently down!

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

I used to be a professional boxer.
You may have heard of me, I was known as 'The Artist'.

I used to spend most of my time on the canvas.

I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.' What do they want, a medal?

A lot of my exercise these days comes from shaking my head in disbelief.

Juventus weren't worried about Ronaldo catching the Coronavirus as they knew there was no chance of him passing it to a teammate.

You really should try archery while blindfolded.
You don't know what you're missing.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

What's your favourite machine to use at the gym ?
Mine is the vending machine.

You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after a touchdown?
That's not allowed in bowling after a strike.
I know that now.

My friend is a boxer but he’s not very good.

His nickname is ‘Picasso’ as he spends so much time on the canvas...

I'm not racist. I love all races. Except marathons. Fuck running.

I met this chap at a party and I said
"Come outside and I'll show you a good time"
So he did and I ran 100 metres in 9.87 seconds.

Running feels great unless you compare it to not running.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said "let's make this interesting" So we stopped playing chess.

I got fired as a yoga instructor.

I bent over backwards for those people.

My fiance and I are playing a baseball game while watching the World Series. I kiss her on the strikes and she kisses me on the balls.

Went bobsleighing last week,

Killed 30 Bob’s.

2 great benifits of exercising at home.
1.you dont have to pay.
2.you dont have to do it.

Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
To get better buns. #punoftheda#haha

Why isn’t suntanning a competitive sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.

This is the first year I've missed the New York marathon due to COVID...usually I miss it because I'm fat & can't run...

The Manchester United team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Johnny, age 6.

I found a photo of myself from when I used to be a boxer. If you turn it sideways it looks like I'm standing up

My girlfriend is leaving me because she says I am more obsessed with football than her and we have been together for four seasons.

I’m a bit upset tonight because the missus has left me; she says I relate everything to cricket.

It’s hit me for six.

I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called “69 Mating Positions”.

Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.

I've found that jogging is much more fun when you never do it.

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished."
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those buggers just as hard as I could."
The trainer exclaimed, "Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!!"
"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls..."

Went to the pub last night dressed as a tennis ball, got served straight away.

I will teach you how to scuba dive, with a 100% guarantee. If you’re expecting a refund, don’t hold your breath!

Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run.

Chess Player goes abroad to see his Czech Mate.

I lost a £20 bet with friend at a game of chess.
I asked him how he wanted paying, he said “cheque mate”.