Random coffee joke:
In the mornings I like dick like I like my coffee. Hard.
Selected coffee jokes:
It’s a challenge sometimes making coffee before you’ve had coffee.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Today accidentally I put a tea bag and a spoon full of coffee into the same cup .
Ended up with Toffee.
Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?
To dissolve the sugar.
More coffee jokes...
Why do they call coffee mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?
A brewhaha.
How does a tech guy drink coffee?
He installs Java!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
Mugging!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Where do birds go for coffee?
To the NESTcafe.
If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his victims—all ground up.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
- Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
- That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
What’s the best Beatles song?
Latte Be!
What do you call sad coffee?
Despresso.
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.