Best jokes about dating !

I will never date a teacher, i have learnt my lesson.

Looking for a relationship? Date a horse rancher, they’re very stable.

I once dated a girl with a wooden leg, but then I broke it off.

I dated an Anesthesiologist a couple years ago.
I had to end it after a while because I just didn't feel anything.

Tips for Americans dating European women:

1) Do NOT compliment her fanny
2) Your foot fetish is a 30.48 cm fetish

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is OK when their mouth is full.

My last relationship taught me: You can be the whole package at the wrong address.

Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

I don't usually have sex on dates, but when I do they are dry.

I will never date a teacher, i have learnt my lesson.

Whenever I start dating a new guy, I have him checked out.....cause, ya gotta do your dude-diligence.....

A pyromaniac went on a dating site looking for a match.

There are plenty of fish in the sea... That's cool and all... but I'm a human.

Why did the pineapple go out with a prune? Because he couldn’t find a date!

I once dated a one-legged girl who worked in a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

Best dating ad ever:
Man with oven and baking skills looking for woman with dough.

Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

I used to date a time traveller, but I had to break up with her. I found out she was two-timing me.

Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

I was meant to have dinner with the invisible man tonight.
But he didn’t show up.

I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki.

I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair...

I’ve been using a Ukrainian dating site. Now I have a chick in Kiev.

Another failed seniors hook up site: Carbon Dating.

You know you've hit rock bottom on the dating scene when you ask a blind girl out and she says she's seeing someone else.

Date: You told me you were interesting?
Me: I told you I was into resting!

The blind date trouble started when she realized his profile read farm-assist and not pharmacist.

If u don't take your woman out, someone else will. Ask Adam, He left Eve alone for 10 mins & the snake took her out for lunch she even brought takeaway for Adam.

In High School my pick up line to the ladies was "we go together like single ply toilet paper and a good hand washing". I dated very little.

I have no idea what carbon dating is, but I'll try anything at this point.

I took this girl out for a meal last night, she had frog's legs and chicken breasts... but she had a fucking lovely personality, bless her!!

Just got a letter from Screw Fix Direct this morning thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency!!

I use to go out with a bricklayers daughter.....
Cement the world to me.

I went Speed Dating last night...
"Have you got any pets?" one girl asked.
"Yeah, a goldfish."
"Any hobbies?" she said
"Yes, he loves swimming..."

Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.

HER: i work for the Red Cross.
ME: that's a huge plus.

I joined a dating site for arsonists. I got a match straight away.

I used to date a man from the future, but we broke up.
I found out he was two-timing me!

Message from dating site. Your dating ad has been on our website for 9 years now without any reply. Do you want us to try 1 week without a picture?

Recently joined a dating group for pyromaniacs.

Got a match straight away...

I dated an Anesthesiologist a couple years ago.
I had to end it after a while because I just didn't feel anything.

Date a realtor, he has a lot to offer.

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged thing at a thrift sale that doesn't smell.

I went on a dating website for footballers, but there were no matches.

I'm just not cut out for the dating world. The last time I was someone’s type...
I was donating blood...

I’m dating a gymnast.
She’s head over heels.

My friend's just told me that he's dating twins. I asked him if he had any trouble telling them apart.
"Not at all." he said "It's really easy actually. Helen's got blonde hair and Brian's got a beard."

I’ve been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it’s starting to get serious.
She just asked me to move out with her.

My friend told me I’m dating a porn star. I said “no way”... He replied...
“Look at her, it’s all over her face”.

Online dating during Covid is like:
I'm dying to meet you.

Why do colourblind people suck at dating?
Because they fail to see the red flags in a relationship.

I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper.

What did the conjoined twins change their dating profile to after surgery?
Recently Separated.

What does Medusa have in her dating profile?
Beware: I'm drop dead gorgeous.