Score Big Laughs with Unforgettable SPORTS Jokes.

What do you say to a Spanish soccer player with no legs.
Grassiass.

Q: Why did the runner stop listening to music?
A: Because she broke too many records.

Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.

Why was the pirate so good at boxing?...
He had a vicious right hook!

Wife’s taking the kids and leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing...
They’re at the gate now... And they’re off !!

I had a golfing joke, but I couldn't find a fairway to express it.

I’m such a bad swimmer I almost drowned on a pool table once.

Hear about the guy who got arrested for firing a starting pistol????
They said it was race related.

I write bowling jokes in my spare time...😀

Racecar backwards is Racecar. Racecar upside down is expensive!

Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end.
Lifeguard noticed. Blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

My daughter asked me, "Can you name a sport that starts with a 'T'?"
I said "Yes, golf."

Broke up with my fitness instructor girlfriend today; it didn't work out.

A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.

Why do boxers make good comedians?
Because they always have a punch line.

Jesus would have been one hell of a hockey player, but he was never the same after getting nailed into the boards.

I wouldn’t say I never exercise. Occasionally, my nose runs.

I just saw this bodybuilder being arrested for shoplifting.

A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you.

I don’t have much of a pun about boxing, since it still needs a punch line.

The local gang of gymnasts have been arrested for some assaults.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.

How do you make a snooker table laugh?
Put your hands in its pocket and tickle it's balls

One man met a gal at the local gym. They started dating and I hope it works out.

Can anyone tell me why China has no cricket team????

*It’s because they eat all the BATS, and don't understand the meaning of BOUNDARIES either.*

My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking? Apparently Slimming World wasn't the right answer!

Fitness news:
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out...

Used to have a swimming addiction but I’ve been dry for 6 months.

My brother went to the doctor and said, 'Some days, I get the strange feeling that I'm a golf club.'
The doctor said, 'Can I join?'

Did you know, Peter, I got a new set of golf clubs for my wife last week.'
'Oh, David, what a bargain.'

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the is taking so long? Hit the ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance of hitting her from here."

"Charlie, why don't you play golf with Ted any more?" Charlie's wife asked.
"Would you play golf with a chap who moved the ball with his foot when he thought you weren't watching?" Charlie replied.
"Well, no," admitted his wife.
"And neither will Ted," replied the dejected husband.

Why did the basketball court get wet?
The players dribbled all over it.

How did the soccer field end up as a triangle?
Somebody took a corner.

What can be served but cannot be eaten?
A tennis ball.

What does a baseball pitcher like to do on his birthday?
Throw a party.

A man is about to be married and is waiting outside the church with his bride-to-be. Beside them are his golf clubs.
His bride asks him, "Why have you brought your golf clubs to the church on our wedding day?"
The groom replied, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

What is the noisiest game?
Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!

Why was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.

Did you hear about the athlete who won a gold medal? He was so happy that he took it home and had it bronzed.

It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.

There was a swimming competition between two cats. The first cat was named un deux trois, the second was named one two three. Which cat won the race?

One two three, because un deux trois quatre cinq.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.

After my wife threw the 6th cricket ball at me...
...I knew it was over!!

I met a cyclist the other day who told me a pack of lies.

When I asked questions he started back-pedalling......

The bicycle spoke in a flat tired voice.

Everytime my bike hurts me, I punch it right back. It’s a vicious cycle.

A tennis ball rolls into a bar.. Barman says, "Have you been served?"

Anal sex is keeping my wife really fit..
Everytime I mention it she runs a fucking mile!!..