Hilarious quotes and jokes about WISDOM that will make your day !

Random wisdom quote/joke:


"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

– Rumi

Weird Jokes



Selected wisdom quotes/jokes:


A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.
He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.

The entire fence was covered in lights! Fence post after fence post, crossbeam after crossbeam, the most dazzling, amazing collection of lights they'd ever seen! The driver immediately called his friends and family and told them to get out to the old country road and within hours, the traffic was backed up for a mile.

At the end of the display, he had a couple of farmhands waiting with donation buckets and sure enough, he raked in several hundred dollars that night. This went on for weeks only getting more and more popular and even despite the high electricity bill, he turned quite a profit on the display.

And so it went for the next few years. His light displays got more and more elaborate. They synced to music. They twinkled in time to the passing cars. There were LEDs and lasers, inflatable reindeer and glowing manger scenes, and everything in between. He started to notice, however, that the number of cars began to dwindle each night.

Whereas folks used to come from counties around to see the fence, the numbers grew smaller and smaller each night. At the end of the season, he'd seen maybe a tenth of the cars.

The months passed and November crept up again. The farmer headed down to the feed and hardware shop to gather a few necessary supplies for the display and couldn't help but overhear a couple of the customers talking.

"Yeah, it just ain't what it used to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, it were pretty and all when he got it started, but something 'bout it nowadays just ain't fresh."

"I know. I wish he'd do something different. Something original. Everybody's got them Christmas lights now."

This incensed the farmer. He spent hundreds of hours every season making something amazing for the world to see and they were treating it like so much manure from his barn. He would show them.

He raced back to his farm and he ripped out every single light from post after post. He tore out the inflatable Santa and knocked down the wise men. And when he was done, he meticulously strung the exact same red and green lights on every square foot of that fence. "I'll show them. They think they can take me foregranted, we'll see how they like this boring mess."

The first night of the display, the visitors (small in number as they may have been), were astonished. Their phones lit up with dials to their friends and neighbors. Soon enough, the line of cars stretched back miles and miles, longer than it ever had in the heyday of the display.

The farmer shook his head while his farmhands stood agape at the traffic. "I don't believe it! How could this be so popular?" the lead farmhand asked the farmer.

"It's simple. Everybody says they want to see something original but what really gets them going is the same old post over and over again."


"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

– Rumi


The function of wisdom is to discriminate between good and evil.
Cicero


"Awareness of ignorance is the beginning of wisdom."

- Socrates



More wisdom quotes/jokes...


Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.


When I find myself In times of trouble
Master Yoda comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom - “Be, it let"


"You don't have to be brilliant, only a little bit wiser than the other guys, on average, for a long, long time."

– Charlie Munger


“The wise man does immediately what the fool does eventually.”

-Machiavelli


Teach us to realize the brevity of life so that we may grow in wisdom.
Psalm 90:12


A wise man never reacts.


"Information is just bits of data. Knowledge is putting them together. Wisdom is transcending them."
~ Ram Dass


A wise man pretends to be a fool.


Time is precious, waste it wisely.


A wise man once said, "When the rise of the machines happens...

...make sure you are nowhere near a dildo factory."


Either you make things happen or you watch someone else make things happen.

Choose wisely.


"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful."
~~ Sir Isaac Newton


Some are wise.

Some are otherwise.


A foolish man complains of his torn pocket while a wise man uses it to scratch his balls.


Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.


"Do not try to seem wise to others."

— Epictetus


“The wise man accepts his pain, endures it, but does not add to it.”
— Marcus Aurelius


Trischmann's Paradox (Axiom of the Pipe): A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.


First Law of Revision: Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after -- and only after -- the plans are complete. (Often called the "Now they tell us!" Law.)
Corollary: In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.


Proverbial Law: For every proverb that so confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom, there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.


Axiom of the Pipe. (Trischmann's Paradox): A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.


Long's Notes:

Always store beer in a dark place.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another -- but which one? Differences are crucial.
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
A generation which ignores history has no past -- and no future.
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing -- with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place.
It's better to copulate than never.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry.
An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. This may be the purpose of the universe.
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin; the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent. It says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.
Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right, apologize at once.
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that is.
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it's none of my business, but . . . " is to place a period after the word "but". Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank".
Natural laws have no pity.
You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Climate is what we expect; weather is what we get.
Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament -- it is possible to be both. How? By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play out the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.
"I came, I saw, SHE conquered." (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.


Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom: Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.


Committee Rules:

Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.
Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.
When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology:
No action is without side-effects.
Nothing ever goes away.
There is no free lunch.


Cohen's Laws of Politics:

Law of Alienation: Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Law of Ambition: At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
Law of Attraction: Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
Law of Competition: The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a nonthreatening incompetence.
Law of Inside Dope: There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
Law of Lawmaking: Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
Law of Permanence: Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was today.
Law of Secrecy: The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.
Law of Wealth: Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed wealth who has the financial resources to convince the middle class and poor that he will be on their side.
Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.


The "Using Time Wisely" conference has been moved to February 28-30.


"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it."

By George Orwell


Is it really wise to invest with somebody called a "broker"?


Bob thought it wise for he and Marsha to move to Greenwich, England. In the Mean Time,...


"A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it."

- Albert Einstein


"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

– Rumi


“As the water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it, so a wise man adapts himself to circumstances.”
― Confucius


"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful."
- Seneca


When I got married my Dad gave me a single bit of wisdom.

Even when you win the argument with your wife, you've lost.


"Awareness of ignorance is the beginning of wisdom."

- Socrates


Nine-tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.
- Theodore Roosevelt.


I can definitely see the wisdom in going back to sleep.
That's my pillowsophy.


Confucius say, foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.


A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.


"A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it."
- Albert Einstein


The wisest of all, in my opinion, is he who can, if only once a month, call himself a fool. ~Fyodor Dostoyevsky


Mr. Wise is a wise man. Ask Mr. Wise for counsel, otherwise, Mrs. Wise!


“And what is better than wisdom? Woman.
And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.”
― Geoffrey Chaucer


“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.”
— Cicero


Knowledge is having the right answers.
Intelligence is asking the right questions.
Wisdom is knowing when to ask the right questions.


We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.
George Bernard Shaw


Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
Immanuel Kant


The function of wisdom is to discriminate between good and evil.
Cicero


Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.
Sophocles


There is a wisdom of the head, and there is a wisdom of the Heart.
Charles Dickens




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