Hilarious jokes about library that will make your day !

A German walks into a library and ask for a book on war. The librarian says Fuck off you lost the last two.

Me: I’ve found my dream home! How much?
Him: Ma’am, this is a public library.

My librarian wife is very good at planning our vacations.
She knows how to book a trip.

"If you have a garden and a library,
you have everything you need."
~ Cicero

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

I asked the librarian If they had any books on different Noise levels.
The librarian says, "Sure, what volume would you like?".

I was at the library the other day when I found a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking."
I thought "What good could that do?" so I put it back.

My librarian wife is very good at planning our vacations.
She knows how to book a trip.

I asked the librarian for a books on Frank Sinatra. She said "we've got a few...but then again...to few to mention."

Went into the library this morning and I asked the woman there for a book about turtles. 'Hardback?' she asked. I nodded 'Yeah, and little heads.

I've just got a new job as a Barbarian.

It's just like being a librarian, but I also cut hair.

I wonder why when you start screaming in a library people just stare and tut but when you do the same on a plane they all join in.

A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

Why isn't there a clock in the library?

Because it tocks too much.

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
A: The library, because it has so many stories.

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat...
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

The tallest building in my city is the library because it has the most stories.

They’re adding a second floor to the local library building.....
But that’s another story

I haven't seen a lot of programming languages but I think python is pretty Intelligent
Cause it has a lot of libraries🤔

Caribbean male pickup lines: They are Punny!
I hope you came with a library card because I need to borrow you.
Is your name Google? You have everything I am looking for.
Hold me tight girl and feel the boyfriend material.
I am walking behind you because my mama told me to follow my dreams.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk in front of you again?
(While rubbing eyes) Girl, something is wrong with my eyes, I just can’t take them off you.
You are like the Great Wall of China, I just can’t get over you.
You remind me of a lobster, all the meat is in your tail.
I heard that you are good in math, can you replace my X without asking Y?
You must come from ISIS because you are the bomb!
I was feeling a little off, but you turned me back on.
I want to be a gardener so that I can plant my tulips on your tulips.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She replied: "They're right behind you!!".😮

My penis was briefly in the Guinness book of world records, until I got caught by the librarian.