Random coffee joke:
I like to party. And by the party I mean drink coffee with no pants on.
Weird never felt so funny.
- Updated:
2025-06-19.
Selected coffee jokes:
My Dad claims that I interject coffee puns into every conversation. I asked, “On what grounds can you make that assertion?”
I'm having some hot sex today.
And by sex I mean coffee....
It's still hot.
My wife keeps refusing to clean out the coffee percolator. Is that grounds for divorce?
A man walks into a diner and orders a coffee without cream.
A moment later, the waitress returns and says, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"
More coffee jokes...
Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.
I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?
Because according to the Torah, He Brews!
Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
Because they know how to espresso themselves.
Why do they call coffee mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?
A brewhaha.
How does a tech guy drink coffee?
He installs Java!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
Mugging!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Where do birds go for coffee?
To the NESTcafe.
If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his victims—all ground up.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
- Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
- That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
What’s the best Beatles song?
Latte Be!
What do you call sad coffee?
Despresso.
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.