Laughing at Rent: Jokes for Tenants & Landlords.

This chapter of my life is called 'at least the rent is paid'.

If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with rent or bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.

Property tax is paying rent to the government.

Perlsweig's Law: People who can least afford to pay rent, pay rent. People who can most afford to pay rent, build up equity.

I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev
from a company called You Crane.

I rented a prostitute for $60 an hour.
I paid her 50 cents.

Have you heard about the guy who rents space on the beach for people to masturbate into the ocean?
Customers have been coming in waves.

The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff.
There’s free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.

I got evicted from the womb at birth.
I guess that makes sense because I wasn’t paying rent.

Landlord tells blonde she has to suck his dick to pay rent.
She blows him, swallows, and says, "Now can I pay rent?"

What do you call it when mozzarella, cheddar, and parmesan rent a little beach house together?
Cottage cheese.

What does a pirate call renting cheap accomodation?
Arr'Bnb.

My friend rents out his buildings— one to the neo- Nazis, and the other to the KKK.
He is a leaser of two evils.

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.
Always walkin around like they rent the place.

I have a guy named Lou who rents from me
I call him Loutenant.

A Soldier I was renting a house to did a runner
And owes me 6 months rent. He said he was a General but I've since discovered he is a Left Tenant.

I complained to my local video rental store because they only have one movie to rent.
They said, take IT or leave IT.

Arthur and Lancelot went to the inn and rented a room for 2 knights.
Arthur slept in a king sized bed, Lancelot took the queen.

What do you call a fetus that pays rent?
A womb-mate.

I pay my rent in sexual favors.
I try to stay on top but sometimes I end up behind.

“Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?”
“Sir, do you mean a choir?”
“Fine, yes, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?”

Homes are so expensive in my area I had to move into my friend's bouncy castle.
The rent's pretty expensive, but it's mostly due to inflation.

Was looking for a place to rent. Landlord said I owe him first and last month's rent.
I said, I'm happy to pay you first month's rent, but it's hardly my responsibility to pay you last month's rent.

I gave my Landlord an ear job to pay for rent this month.
I've got to say it wasn't as bad as it sounds.

How did Beethoven rent out his house?
He put it up Fur Elise.

My great grandpa, on his death bed, offered to sell his vital organs on the black market to help pay our rent during economic crisis.
We declined his offer.

We got evicted a week later, and he died another week after that, but at least his heart was in the right place.

A man enters a Blockbuster and asks “I want to rent Batman Forever”
The clerk replies: “I’m sorry but you must return it tomorrow”

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?
Because they’re lo mein tenants.

"So how much do they ask for rent in a place like this?"

"About twice a week."

"I'll give you 3 days to pay your rent!"

"OK. I'll pick the 4th of July, Christmas, and Easter."

If you rob a bank, you can stop worrying about rent/food bills for several years – whether or not you get caught.

My Grandad's funeral has cost us over £12,000 so far.!!
I wish we hadn't buried him in a rented suit.

Phil Collins just sold his house. Now he’s renting a stu-stu-studio.

If You Attempt to Rob a Bank, You Will Have No Trouble with Rent or Bills for the Next Ten Years, Whether You Are Successful or Not.

I only realised that I live in a bad neighbourhood when I paid my rent on time and the police came around the next day to ask where I got the money from.

Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.

How many ants does it take to rent an apartment?

10

If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with food, rent, or bills for the next 10 years regardless of your success.

Toto rentre à la maison après sa première journée à l’école primaire.
La maman :
-- Alors Toto, tu as appris beaucoup de choses aujourd’hui ?
Toto :
-- Pas assez en tout cas, ils veulent que j’y retourne demain.

Toto comes home from his first day of elementary school.