Real Estate Jokes: Comedy for the Housing Market.

Do you know where the term "mortgage" originally comes from? It originates from Latin, meaning "death pledge".

Just paid off our mortgage using wife's Only Fans account.

She's going to be furious when she finds out she has an Only Fans account.

Do you know where the term "mortgage" originally comes from? It originates from Latin, meaning "death pledge".

I'm no Magician but I once turned a back rub into 2 kids and a mortgage.

The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!

Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.

When Thor decided to leave the Avengers, he turned to real estate.
He’s going to be a real-thor.

Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.

Why do real estate agents love Thanksgiving so much?
They have “lots” to be grateful for.

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns…
Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.

You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.

What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.

Why did the real estate agent buy a skateboard?
So they could flip it.

What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”

When it comes to board games about buying real estate…
Hasbro truly has the Monopoly.

How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.

Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”

What did the real estate agent who moonlights in photography tell his client?
“I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you in this house.”

What does a British real estate agent care most about?
His proper tea.

What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.

Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.

What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.

Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.

My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.

How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.

What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.

How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.

Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.

“Eh, that realtor doesn’t look so strong. I bet I can take him in a fight!”
“Are you crazy? That guy says he flips houses in his spare time!”

Which Star Wars character would make the best realtor?
Lando Calrissian.

Q:What’s the difference between a Realtor and a Mortgage Broker?
A:The Mortgage Broker knows he’s boring.

Real estate agents need to laugh at their problems. Everybody else does.

Agent: “This house is great, but it’s really for the cats.”

Buyer: “What do you mean?”

Agent: “It will take you nine lives to pay off the mortgage.”

Hey, girl, are you a mortgage? Because you’ve got my interest!

Real estate agents pay Chuck Norris to not buy a house.

I’m no magician but I once turned a back rub into two kids and a mortgage.

Ran into a realtor friend of mine and asked her, "House it going?"

I asked a real estate agent how much it would cost to buy a hockey stadium. But she said she could only give me a ballpark estimate.

Mortgage: n. A device to measure the density of the people named Mort.

Last night I dreamed I was a mortgage.

When I woke up, I was a loan.

Chuck Norris was getting into real estate. Evidently he's only selling roundhouses

Date a realtor, he has a lot to offer.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted…

"Nobody move!"

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.