Hilarious Jokes about food, cooking, snacks, drinks and diet !

So I'm really pleased with my vegetable patch.
Haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks.

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday...
it caused severe pain...
to ma toes

I want to talk about hot dogs. It's time for a frank conversation.

I used to be a good egg, but I cracked.

Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?

People who don't eat gluten are really going against the grain.

My wife is on a tropical food diet, and there is no other food in the house.
It's enough to make
a mango crazy.

We can drink a drink, but we can’t food a food.

Why should you only make Irish soup with 239 beans?
Because one more would be too farty!

Preparing my annual Saint Patrick's Day 7 course meal.. a baked potato and a 6 pack.

Dull cooks just use the same seasonings, thyme and thyme again.

Made a lamb curry last night.

But apparently they prefer to eat hay.

What did the hotdog say to the bun? It was nice to meat you!

A banana and a tomato are racing. The tomato is losing. What does it need to do?
Ketchup.

My rum and raisin cake is gluten free.
It’s also raisin free. And cake free.
OK it’s just rum.

Don't go to a pizzeria. You'll never get a good square meal.

Why was the biscuit crying?

His mum was a wafer too long.

How do make a sausage roll ?
Push down a hill .

No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna.

If one kebab hasn't got enough filling and you take some from another kebab, is the second kebab a donor kebab?

Q: What do you call it when a Chickpea is murdered?
A: Hummuside.

An onion is the bass player of food. You would probably not enjoy it solo, but you’d miss it if it wasn’t there.

How do you make cheese even better??

You use a cheese GRATER.

What do you get when your wife makes kale chips and rice cakes for dinner?
Takeout.

My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of the stuff! It's enough to make a mango crazy.

Why was the cheese crying?
Because it was bleu!

I don't mind Genetically Modified foods...
I've just had a lovely leg of salmon....

It's so sad that the people who decide bread-size have never met the people who make toasters!

FUN FACT!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk...
It's one of the few animals that can make its own custard!

Fun Fact
Honey is bee vomit.

I grilled a chicken for two hours yesterday, and the thing still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road!!

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.......

Why did the salad always go to a nude beach?
Because it didn't like dressing.

What do you call an industrial region that makes hot, spicy sauces?
Chilli con valley!

Pros and Cons of making food.
Pros: food.
Cons: making.

Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.

Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.

I was walking down the road last night when I passed an apple pie an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.......

I thought "the streets are strangely deserted tonight"

Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan in the road.

Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

What did one plate say to his friend? - Tonight, dinner’s on me!

Went to an Indian restaurant last night and had a pelican curry. Food was ok, but the bill was enormous!

In a restaurant:
Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy.
Server: Maybe the chicken strips for $6?
Me: Maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger.

What did the sushi roll say to the bee??

Wasabi!!

I went to fish restaurant recently and ordered the Octopus.
The waiter said: "It takes 4 hours to cook."
I said: "Why?"
He said: "Because it keeps turning the gas off."

A lorry carrying tinned corned beef collided with a truck load of potatoes causing chaos on the road this morning
A bystander said: I don't know what the traffic police are doing to reopen the road.. But they seem to be making a hash of it.

I wondered if Noah liked blueberry pies, then I realised he preferred pears.

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
Close the door - I’m dressing!

I hate tacos, said no Juan ever.

Feeling pretty good.
I’m doing crunches twice a day now.
Cap’n in the morning and Nestles in the afternoon.

What do you call a spooky burrito ?

A boo-rito.

Why is 4 o'clock in the morning the best time to cook sweet potatoes?
Because it is for a yam!