Hilarious Jokes about food, cooking, snacks, drinks and diet !

I went to an outdoor restaurant last night. It was a disaster. Pouring with rain. It took me almost 2 hours to finish my soup.

To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!

I went to get my hair cut yesterday, but there were so many in front of me. After an hour the manager started to hand out sausages and burgers as an apology for the long wait. It was the best barber queue ever.

I couldn’t work out how to hold a bag of pasta. Then the penne dropped.

I ordered 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup.
It weighed won ton.

Why did the pie cross the road? Because it was meat & potato.

What is yellow and white and travels at 500 miles per hour? A pilot's egg sandwich.

What is a frog’s favourite flavour of crisp? Croaky bacon.

I can make coleslaw just by looking at a cabbage.
I slaw it with my own eyes.

I'm just saying that whoever wins a race with someone to the juice in the fridge...
did beat them to the punch.

I couldn’t work out how to hold a bag of pasta. Then the penne dropped.

I applied for a job at my local sandwich making shop, when I got there, they said “ The roll had already been filled” …..

What is the biggest joke about pineapple? That it goes on pizza.

Why do people preserve fruits and vegetables? Because they can.

I made fish tacos last night, but they just ignored them and swam away.

How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste!

I made sushi at home for the first time. I substituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

What did the pizza say when it went to the gallery? "I never sausage a beautiful painting, it's the best I've ever seen".

Egg salad is still chicken salad when you think about it.

How do you know when tomatoes are good to eat? When they’re reddy!

What's the perfect amount of time to microwave your popcorn?

I can't tell you, it's pop secret.

I really like eating sardines, anchovies and smelt. Guess I'm not a big fish eater.

Is eating a pizza considered a square meal?

Pita is one of my favorite flatbreads.
It is second to Naan.

For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.

Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.

About to cook asparagus for the first time. Does anyone have any tips?

Did you hear about the cheese that saved the world?
It was legendairy!

What did the sushi say to the bumblebee?
Wasabi.

CHOCOLATE doesn't ask stupid questions, chocolate just understands...

To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

Where do you learn all about ice cream? Sundae school.

We've been married so long, we're on our second bottle of tobasco sauce.

How much food did I have at the carnival? A Fair amount.

My favorite health drink is a
Neil Diamond smoothie.
It has 3 ingredients, swede, carrots, lime.

What did one pickle say to the other when it was having a bad day?
Dill with it!

The old saying is "You are what you eat"
I should eat a lot more mushrooms cause I want to be a fun guy.

Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.

What kind of cheese would you use to hide a pony ?
Màscarpone.

I sometimes order undercooked steak. But it’s rare.

There was a race in my kitchen last night.
The lettuce was ahead, the tomato was trying to ketchup, and the water was still running.

If you spend $4 on smart water, it's not working.

Q: Where does expired milk go?
A: The CREAMatorium.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

Did you hear about the fight last night at the fish and chip shop?
The fish got battered.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.

I just burnt my tongue on my food.
It made me realize that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.

I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought wow this is ledge‘n dairy.

What's the best part of a waffle?
The w.
Without it it's just awful.

Why don’t sharks like fast food? It’s hard to catch.

How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

What is black and white and green all over?
A pickle in a tuxedo!