Hilarious Jokes about food, cooking, snacks, drinks and diet !

You may not have heard the rumour about butter...but I'm going to start spreading it.

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships.

I was walking down the road last night when I passed an apple pie an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.......

I thought "the streets are strangely deserted tonight"

Went to the dressing room. Couldnt find the mayonaise.

I just ate a frozen apple. It was hardcore !

I was invited to a best ice cream competition

Scooped all the awards.

Loving chocolate may not always be easy but sometimes you have to fudge it.

I've just had a Moroccan Mud wrap.
This sandwich shop is disgusting.

Why did the man eat yeast and shoe polish before he went to bed?

So he could rise and shine!

I made you a cake.
I also ate it for you.

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?
Siri-al.

Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I thought “the streets are strangely desserted tonight.”

Women belongs to the kitchen

Men belongs to the kitchen

Everyone belongs to the kitchen

Cos kitchen has food and everyone must eat.

It took years of trial and error for my family to decide what kind of sliced bread they preferred.

We’ve been through thick and thin together.

My job sorting broken cookies is not going as planned … it’s a crumby job but I let the chips fall where they may.

A ham walked out of the hospital and said "I'm cured".

Contains vinegar, molasses, sugar, salt, fruit, herbs & spices.
This information has been obtained from several reliable sauces.

The baker from Stockholm loved to bake cakes, he was a Sweetish chef.

I love salad!

Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.

Chocoholics are cocoa nuts.

When making bean soup you should only use two hundred and thirty nine beans.
If you used one more it would be two farty.

I tried my first soft drink. It was sodalicious!

I had an idea for a pizza delivery drone, but was told the idea was a pie in the sky.

Why was the baby raspberry crying?
Because his mom and dad were in a jam.

My friend told me he was going on an all-Almond diet. I told him that's just nuts.

Everyone needs bread because loaf makes the world go round.

Did you hear about the chef that died?
They pasta way.
Sadly the doctors cannoli do so much.
Their legacy will become a pizza of history,
but they just ran out of Thyme.

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack""No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

When chickens taste strange meat they've never eaten before, do they think it tastes like people...?

Culinary school is easy. The Final exam is a piece of cake.

I can't afford to buy pasta.

I'm penneless.

Is a passion for tea called 'infusiasm'?

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality!

If an ice cream van breaks down, do they have to put out cones?

For every rich tea biscuit in our world, there are hundreds of ordinary biscuits living in poverty.

I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet.
I get hungry.

I confess that I eat ice cream right out of the carton. But if I don’t like it, I put it right back in he grocer’s freezer.

Did you know that Edam is the only cheese that is made backwards?

They say that you should look through your clothes closet, and if you haven’t worn something for a year, throw it out. I apply the same principle to my fridge.

I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.

Do jellyfish ever get lonely because there are no peanut butter fish?

I spent my entire life savings on pasta.
It was worth every penne.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.

The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.

Why did the chef boil a shoe? He was making sole food.

I made a Caesar salad last night. I stabbed it 23 times...

What kind of cheese can you use to hide a horse?
Mascarpone.

I had a leak in the roof over my dining room so I called a repairman to take a look at it........
"When did you first notice the leak?" he asked.
I told him, "Last night..... when it took me two hours to finish my fuckin soup!"

How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.

Two crisps strolling down the road..
Car pulls up and the driver winds down the window and say 'Do you two want a lift?'
Crisps reply ' no thanks mate, we're Walkers'

I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"

What were the 2 Kebabs doing at the blood bank ?
They were Donor Kebabs.

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante...

Why is honey good for you? - It's full of Bee vitamins.