Best jokes about dating !

I asked a girl selling calendars out on a date.

I don't usually have sex on dates, but when I do they are dry.

My friend told me I’m dating a porn star. I said “no way”... He replied...
“Look at her, it’s all over her face”.

I took this girl out for a meal last night, she had frog's legs and chicken breasts... but she had a fucking lovely personality, bless her!!

Dating is wondering why someone is single, then figuring it out.

My main rule of dating is 'Do no harm'. Pain yes, harm no.

I asked her, "Do you spit or swallow?"

She slapped me and stormed off!

Anyway, I don't recommend wine tastings as a first date, it really seems to bother some girls for some reason.

Why do archaeologists get the most girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques.

I like to break the ice on a first date by asking if she's ever found blood in her stool.

Number one work rule: Never date one of your coworkers.

Dating Profile: Neutral Good But A Fucking Dickhead About It.

Dating an older person is cool until they break your heart and you be like "" I trusted you like a parent""

Never date a married woman,

I will explain when I get discharged from the hospital.

My dating agency set me up on my first date last night, when I turned up she turned out to be very thin with red hair.
I got a call from the agency today "Was she a match?" they asked.
I replied "She certainly was".

I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a poppy on her backside.

It was in memory of all those who had died at the front.

My blind date tonight is 6 ft 6 inches tall.

Can't wait 2metre.

I asked a girl selling calendars out on a date.

Having been raised Catholic I didn’t learn until later in life it was OK to date a nun as long as you didn’t get in the habit.

Dating a janitor was on my bucket list.

I date short girls so when we break up I can crop my photo...

Dating many Boy's doesn't mean You're Beautiful.
Cheap product have many Buyers.

What’s the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates.

Never dated any girl in higher institution...
Yeah, I needed that Bachelor's Degree.

I keep meeting bi women on the apps.
Every time I say hello they say Byeee.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Dating a striper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down inside they want some too.

My blind date tonight is 6ft 6inches tall.

Just can't wait 2metre.

I was scoping through a dating site when I saw this guy wearing a lampshade on his head. I quickly realized he was looking for someone to turn him on.

I once dated twin sisters who were ballet dancers.
Sure they were attractive, but I was drawn more to two tutus.

I once dated a girl with a wooden leg, but then I broke it off.

If two online friends meet each other first time in real world in disco club...
... can we say that they disconnected?

She : Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?

Me : Nope, just an apple.

Looking for a relationship? Date a horse rancher, they’re very stable.

My mate set me up on a blind date and he said, Id better warn you, shes expecting a baby. I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing a diaper...

My dream date is rolling around in the bubble wrap together after opening my Amazon delivery.

My daughter used to date a teeter totter salesman. I don't know what seesaw in him.

I WAS ENGAGED TO A GIRL WITH A WOODEN LEG.

.
I GOT MAD AND BROKE IT OFF.

Dating is just wondering why someone is single, then figuring it out.

How to establish dominance on a first date:
Change the radio station immediately after getting in your date’s vehicle.

“Dad, have you ever been on a blind date?”
“No, but I once attended a Stevie Wonder concert.”

FUN Fact:
A man is more likely to get a woman’s phone number if he is accompanied by a dog.

I once dated a girl with a twin.
People asked me how I could tell them apart?..
It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and Bob had a penis.

I once dated a girl with a twin.
People asked me how I could tell them apart?..
It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and Bob had a penis.

I love that take out means food, dating, and murder...
and all three if you are a praying mantis...

Stop looking for the perfect match. Use a lighter instead.

You're getting so old the site you use to meet people is called "Carbon Dating.!!"

I asked the checkout girl for a date. She said: Theyre in the fruit aisle next to the bananas.

Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year's Eve—it's December 31.

Why do archaeologists get all the girls? Because they have the best dating techniques.

Apparently my blind d date tonight is 6 feet 6 inches tall.
I can't wait two metre.

I just found out I was dating a communist. I should have noticed the red flags sooner.

“If you could choose one person living or dead to hang out with who would it be?”

- how to confuse a zombie

I've got a date with this tailor lady.
She seams nice.

I have a date tonight...with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together.