Random music joke:


My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
"Usually an overdose, son," I told him. 🌟

Music jokes collection.


Selected music jokes:


Went to the classical music record shop today but it was shut...

The sign said; "Gone Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"


Watched an X rated musical the other day, nothing but gratuitous sax and senseless violins!


What's the difference between a bull and a blues band?
With a bull, you get the horns in the front and the asshole in the back!


"The piano
is a monster
that screams when you touch its teeth."
⁻ᴬⁿᵈʳᵉˢ ˢᵉᵍᵒᵛᶦᵃ


More music jokes...


How do a violinist and a cellist perform a 69 ?
The cellist fingers the G with some vibrato, and the violinist is doing a bouncing spiccato on the D.


Beethoven to crowd: Are you having a good time?!
Crowd: YEEAAHH!
Beethoven: I can't hear you!


I used to date an opera singer, but I had to get rid of her...
She was all "Mi, mi, mi..."


What do you call an orgy involving famous musicians?
A release party.


What was the jazz singer’s fetish ?
Scat.


I can't believe they cancelled Vivaldi after just Four Seasons.


Brass musicians are so stuck up…

Always blowing their own trumpets.


What did the band geek get when he went to the dentist?
A tuba toothpaste.


My wife went to a bad concert in South East Asia!
Singapore?
Terrible, and so were the rest of the band!


If a mixing engineer suggests ways to make your album better, listen to them. It's sound advice.


I knew a trumpet player whose group was called “The Cruise Ship Band.” In reality, they should have been called “Banned from Cruise Ships!”


Q: What do jazz-lovers put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
A: Groovy.


What does a drum solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
You know what's coming but there's fuck all you can do about it.


Went to a disco for the blind.
I danced like nobody was watching.


Me: “What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?”
My fiddle playing cousin: “A six pack of beer.”


I'm in a band called The Introverted Pessimists.
You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.


How did Beethoven rent out his house?
He put it up Fur Elise.


I’m so glad the accordion instructor was able to squeeze me in.


We started a band and called it "Books"

So no one can judge us by our covers.


The magician said he would make a musical instrument appear and VIOLA! There it was.


I know someone in a tribute band called "Jar Lid". They cover The Jam.


I got kicked out of the choir for trying to sing the high parts.
They said I was a treble maker.


I don't like old songs. They remind me of how stupid I was that year.


That awkward moment when an artist you hate releases a good song.


I wrote a song about a dachshund. The melody is sweet, but it’s a little long and it drags a bit in the middle.


I pushed three drums and a cymbal over a cliff then waited for the punchline... Ba - dum - bum - CHING!


I am a professional banjo player. Folks pay me to stop .


Just went for a dental cleaning that was excessively painful and torturous.

They played country music in the background.


I got fired from the symphony orchestra. I find it quite disconcerting.


At school I was forced to join chorus. They said it was re-choired!


I don’t want to criticize his musical abilities, but he doesn’t have to worry about getting hit by lightning because he’s such a poor conductor.


Every chord is a sad chord if you’re depressed enough.


I'll be sharing my secret for being an amazing guitar player later today.
Stay tuned.


Musicians are like regular people but poor.


To the person who stole my classical music collection:
I am not mad, in fact, you have my symphonies.


What's a skeleton's least favorite song?
"Another Saturday night and I ain't got no body."


- What do you call a cow that plays the guitar ?
- A moo-sician.


Just had some amazing ideas for a quartet of hit songs - gonna make a four tune!


I painted my trumpet turquoise and the other orchestra members are freaking out that I...

Blue my own horn.


Starting a band called The Radiators, at the moment we're just a warm up act.


We started a band and called it "Books"
So no one can judge us by our covers.


Said to the wife the other day I've come over all Cliff Richard; she said Congratulations. Another day I told her I've come over all Tom Jones; she replied It's not unusual.


A C major scale walks into a bar and orders a drink
The bartender said "No, you're a minor"


My girlfriend doesn’t believe that I have a favourite Spandau Ballet song, but it's True.


Last night I had a dream that John Lennon and Gary Barlow formed a supergroup...
Imagine that!


Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend anymore?
Sheeran!


What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone's relieved when the case is closed.


A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit.


My neighbor just banged on the wall at 4am, lucky I was still up playing music. He banged again shouted “Can I get a little respect please?”
I shouted back “I’m not a big fan of Aretha Franklin but I will play it just for you.”


Why did Bach have so many children ?
No stops on his organ !


How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.


Why did JS Bach have so many children? Because he didn't have any organ stops.


- Доктор, те дорогие лекарства, что вы прописали, мне не помогли!
- А мне помогли.


I came here to do two things: 'Love' and quote Anastacia, and I’m outta love, set me free and let me out this misery.


Why wont the Russian musician sing songs about a river? The lyrics are too Volga.


Performing Accapella versions of songs by U2.
That really takes the Edge off.


Some plumbers started a band. They call themselves...
In sink.


The music school printed registration forms on marble. They only want students who rock enroll.


Went to the classical music record shop today but it was shut...

The sign said; "Gone Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"


My favourite composer is handle who then joined Hinge and bracket to form the doors..


Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced.
There's a lovely key change at the end.


Just bought a Fatboy Slim satnav.
Keeps saying right here right now.


I went to a club that didn’t play 70’s music… At first I was afraid, I was petrified!


"I hear Kylie Minogue wants to sing one of her songs in an alien language"
"Like a Martian?"
"No, I should be so lucky"


My band has a new acoustic album called 'Life Support Machine' - unplugged.


C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors".


- What sort of music is bad for balloons?
- Pop.


I started a revival band called the "Defibrillators".


My careers adviser asked me what job I'd like to do.
"Carpenter" I replied.
"Really, why?"
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down."


I put a bet on 3 horses today called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times. They all lost.... I blame it on the bookie.



More Jokes about music and musicians on the following pages...